Work Hard. Play Hard: Female Entreprenuers in Contemporary Circus

I recently wrote a blog post for Circus Sessions that was featured on the Harbourfront Centre Blog. Due to word restrictions, I was unable to include all of these juicy details from both Jamie Holmes and Katelyn McCulloch. I thought I would post an extended version of the original post here. I hope you enjoy it!

Mere months ago, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, announced his first cabinet. For the first time in Canadian history, it was made up of equal numbers of men and women. When asked why, he quipped, “Because it’s 2015.” Touché, however here in Canada not all things are equal. Despite holding higher levels of education, women in Canada struggle with equity in the workplace. Women are less likely to climb the corporate ladder,  twice as likely to work part-time and make, on average, 19% less than men (1).

Entrepreneurship is one way to sidestep the gender gap in the corporate world. Jamie Holmes and Katelyn McCulloch, are successful female entrepreneurs and a part this year’s Circus Sessions. Jamie is a professional performer and instructor, co-founder of La Rouge Entertainment, an events company in Toronto, and owner of Raw Super Balls, an organic snack food company. Katelyn is a professional actress, dancer and aerialist, cofounder of No Parachute Theatre and teaches movement classes under her brand, McCulloch Movement. These busy women discuss some of the rewards and challenges of being a female entrepreneur in the circus world.

Circus Sessions: How have you managed to balance the demands on yourself to have multiple jobs?

Photo: Nick Lee

Jamie: I wouldn’t trade being self-employed for anything, but it can be overwhelming. I love what I do. I love rehearsing. I love teaching and planning recitals and tropical retreats for my students.  My relationships are also extremely important to me, so I make sure that I get at least two friend visits in each week on top of training with my friends, and make sure that I have a day with my guy.  All that being said, shows, opportunities and life things arise which is when you have to revamp it all. Scheduling and rescheduling are a big part of my life.

Photo Courtesy: Facebook

Katelyn: I am constantly reevaluating my life and what I have on the go. What has helped me is every day I ask myself: what am I doing for myself, for my relationships, and for my career?  It's not about everything being perfectly in line it's just about taking the time to acknowledge the things that are important to me and setting myself up for a balanced lifestyle.

CS: When you are “selling” yourself or members of your events business as performers, how important is it to highlight your sexuality to a potential client?

J: I feel that I personally will pitch according to watch I’m going after, if I feel that it is appropriate, and if I don’t think that it will compromise anything.

K: When I am pitching I never highlight sexuality or appearance, but rather an emphasis on style. I send people to my site where there is video and photos and let them decided if I'm what they're looking for for their event. I can't control if people perceive it as sexy, good or crap. I wouldn't be offended if a request was for a sexy act. I feel comfortable with language like that around aerial work, but if it become explicit or degrading I'd have no problem leaving.

CS: Earlier in your dance career you had some uncomfortable experiences. Do you have any advice for others as to how to avoid these types of situations, or how to respond to them if they do arise?

J: I was young and naive and really eager to work so I allowed that “want” to get in the way of my values unfortunately. I would say that no job is worth sacrificing yourself. No matter how “big and fabulous” it seems in the moment, don’t compromise yourself. My advice is to walk away if things start to get sticky. Trust your gut - it always knows.   

CS: Do you think that female entrepreneurs are well represented in the circus and/or event industry, or do you think that there is still work to be done in this area?

J: I do think that women are well represented in this industry.  Ninety percent of my friends are all well-established entrepreneurs, many of the people that I have worked with and for in the circus industry have been females and I’m working with women more than 50% of the time with my corporate events.

CS: Do you have any women that you look up to because of their experience in the industry, or because they are doing exceptional or innovative things?

J: I look up to the women in this industry that are mothers and pursuing their careers while raising kids. I look up to artists that have overcome huge adversity and move forward and express themselves through art. I look up to all of my friends who offer their brilliant opinions when needed. I know a lot of absolutely amazing women, all with unique and ever-inspiring qualities.  

K: First and foremost is Heather Kentner who owns and operates Cirque-ability and is the reason I have a career as a circus artist. She inspires me every day with her ability to run a successful business while being a mom and amazing friend. Brandy Leary for always questioning and seeing the bigger picture. Angola Murdoch who is a circus mama in so many ways and always has a look out for my safety and offering advice on coaching and performing. Holly Treddenick who creates unique opportunities for emerging and professional artists to develop.

CS: Finally, what would you say to young women who might be interested in joining the contemporary circus world as an entrepreneur?

J: It’s a fantastic world filled with strong, brilliant people with fantastic ideas. There are so many different and empowering avenues to pursue. It’s hard work, but it’s immensely rewarding and worth it. Do it!

K: Be humble, ask questions and be true to you. There are so many different paths to take in circus, whether it's recreational, coaching, performing corporate work, creating your own show, fusing together aerial and something else, being an agent or co ordinator. To figure it out, take class, go to people's shows, be a part of community events, seek out mentors, take people for coffee and ask questions. It will help you discover your own artistic practice.

1. Closing the Gender Gap - Canada https://www.oecd.org/canada/Closing%20The%20Gender%20Gap%20-%20Canada%20FINAL.pdf

Tangled, Untangled and Tangled Again

As the end of the school year drew to a close last week, the principal of my school sent the staff a reflective email detailing all of the accomplishments and successes of the school year. She noted that she had learned so much throughout this year and posed the question to the staff: What did you learn this year?

As a human, I have been pretty resistant to change in my life. Let's be honest, change is hard and it is much easier to settle into our route (or rut) of existence and stay the course. This year wasn't like that for me. I have tried to embrace change and growth. Along the way, I have learned a few things:

1. The change you want is not always the change you get. I've gotten myself caught up in this trap a few times over the years. The grass is always greener on the other side. I just need a fresh perspective and things are going to be so much different. Sure. Things might be different, but you might not like how they're different! The reality is, looking for happiness outside of yourself is a surefire way to find disappointment! I think this lesson has finally sunk in and helped me to understand this next lesson;

2. If you truly want change, you have to change yourself. Throughout my life, I've be-bopped around and found myself in one mess or another. Sometimes things aren't even a mess. They're just not what I've wanted. Damned unhappiness following me around like a rain cloud. I've always been quick to blame the other person, place, or thing getting in the way of my happiness. What did I do to deserve this? Why can't it just go away?! This year, I've learned that I may be putting myself in these situations through the choices that I'm making. Imagine! By not realizing this and not taking responsibility for my own actions, nothing changes and I get angry/upset/frustrated. When these feelings get too overwhelming, I run away again. I'm still angry and upset, the situation is just new. Which led me to my next lesson;

3. Being angry doesn't help. This one's a big one as I'm a pretty angry person. This year I was asked to question where that anger had gotten me lately. Did it make me happier in the end to fly off the handle? The answer was, it doesn't really help or make me feel better. Many times after an outburst, I feel embarrassed and apologetic. These days, I try to stop and think before I meltdown. I've actually used the words I say to myself to my students to help them through their anger, especially if it's something small. By stopping and thinking "Is this problem worth the upset?" or "Who is being hurt here by your anger - you or the other person?" or "Why are you choosing to let this small person/thing/occurrence ruin your day?" I'm not claiming that a "positive mindset" can cure all of your woes. I still get angry. I still meltdown. Try small steps though and see how you feel.

4. Looking at yourself critically and trying to change is always risky. Don't be afraid to take risks. I've put myself out there time and again this year and it feels great. Whether its been by questioning an authority figure (in a respectful way of course) about their own equity practices, or just being willing to openly and unashamedly hug my friends, I've been taking risks this year. I've performed in front of hundreds of people at Nuit Blanche. I've performed in front of my mentors at Aertime. I've pushed through injuries to become a stronger and better aerialist. I've been writing about my successes and defeats here on this blog. I've worked with young people teaching aerial this year for the first time, and I've submitted proposals to be involved in more epic adventures with the great artists of this city.

Yesterday, I performed a piece for the third time. It's not often that I have an opportunity to perform the same piece for different audiences. My first run through ended in a tangled mess. I had to come down and start again. Surprisingly, I wasn't upset. I was able to shake it off and get up there and take on that creature again and win! I was pretty damned proud of myself!  I've realized that my self-worth isn't teethered to any one aspect of my life. As long as I'm imperfect, I have lots of room to grow and learn and change. We all do :)

Things look like they're going well, but really I'm all tangled up!
It's kinda like life, isn't it?!

Cheers!

Jackie

Chasing Rainbows

If you follow my writing, you might know that I began a new job this year full of optimism that a  change of location was going to make me happier in my career. I soon found that this was not the case. I went from hopeful to defeated in short order.

In my search for some answers to how I was feeling, I began to see a psychiatrist earlier this year. While I don't always agree with him and what he has to say, he has opened my eyes to a few of my own issues that need to be resolved. One of them is this need to remove what is making me unhappy by running away.

I am sad to say, that I am still running. I have spent the past two months applying for jobs around the board where I work. I have applied for approximately 15 different positions at different schools. My criteria has been fairly general in that I am looking for junior or intermediate positions that will put me closer to home and in a different region of the board from where I have been teaching for the past 7 years.

From all of my applications, I received one call back for an interview and I didn't get the position. I now feel even worse than I felt before. I am frustrated. I feel like I am not good enough and no one wants me.

To make matters worse, I feel like I am not "good enough" compared to my colleagues at my current school. It used to be that when the head honchos came to visit, my classroom would be part of the tour. I was doing great things. I was making a difference in the school. I was making a difference to students. I was making a difference with my colleagues. I was a mentor teacher for new hires. I presented at staff meetings. I led professional development activities. I was someone to "go to", and that made me feel good even when the rest of the job was stressing me out and making me crazy.

The new school of teaching is all about inquiry-based learning and there is definitely a group of colleagues where I work that have adopted this method whole-heartedly and they are passionate about sharing their philosophy. I haven't quite gotten there yet and I am not even sure if I want to get all-the-way there and because of this, I sure do feel left out of the "cool kids club" at work.

It kinda sucks and it makes me feel even more anxious about going to work and getting emails and attending staff meetings because I know (or I feel like) I am not adding up and I feel like I am not good enough. I've never felt this way at work in the past. Knowing myself, this is not going to be good. I do not do things I am not good at doing. I just don't. I am also questioning myself. Have I done enough? Have I tried hard enough to learn? Am I being narrow-minded?

I honestly don't know what I am going to do with myself. So many people in my life are being brave and making big changes. Jay is in school part-time trying to learn a new skills. My sister made the difficult choice to end her maternity leave early in order to take a new position that will have long-term benefits. My friend Jackie is working to complete school and take her life in a direction that fits her passions even though it means leaving a stable, good-paying career.  My friend Brie just earned an amazing new promotion that she has worked her buns off for and is well-deserved.

At the same time, I am reading about friends who are struggling. They are struggling with the choices they have made regarding relationships, careers, or children. So, I know I am not alone in the world, but I am certainly alone in the decisions I have to make for myself. Do I stay and fight another day for myself, or do I run and look for something else? What is that something else? Will that something else make me happy? How will I know unless I try?

I have some soul-searching to do. I am also trying to use exercise and supplements to help balance out the moods. I am back in the air regularly and training for some upcoming shows. I have started taking a B Complex supplement, which is supposed to be an excellent supplement to help elevate your mood. Yoga has become a part of my life again and I am thoroughly enjoying my practice.

I am going to end this post with some thoughts my Yin Yoga instructor, Julian, spoke of in a recent class. These are just some simple questions that I ask when I am feeling down.

What are you feeling that you want to feel more of?

What are you feeling that you want to feel less of?

Who are you?

Who do you want to be? 

 Life's a bitch. I get it. I just don't think it's supposed to be this way though. It should be ecstasy. It should be joyful. I should be all glitter, unicorns and rainbows, right? I guess you can't get a rainbow unless the Sun comes out after the storm. I'll just have to keep looking for that break in the clouds. C'mon Sun!

Cheers,
Jackie

It's Quite the Balancing Act!

Walking out of an appointment last night, I slipped and nearly fell down a flight of stairs. It wasn't bad and I wasn't hurt, but balance is obviously an issue for me at times!

I've been working very hard this year trying to be a more emotionally balanced person. I am focusing on being more open-minded, more positive, more affectionate and relaxed. I am trying to reduce the anger and hostility that I used to approach problems with and take on a more tempered resolution process. I think I have changed for the better and I know I still have a long way to go!

I also know that I should practise a work-life balance and eat a balanced diet. These are challenges that I have faced and that I am consistently working on in my day-to-day life.

That word, balance, crept into my consciousness again last night and not because I nearly fell down some stairs either! As an active, athletic person I consider myself to be fit and strong. I can do a pull-up. I can do a push-up. I bet I'd even take you in an arm wrestling contest! Despite all of this, I am still weak in certain areas and this weakness has caused me my fair share of issues.

I rely on my aerial work to meet my fitness goals, and in the past I have felt as though I have been meeting those goals and I have pretty much stopped participating in other forms of fitness. My days at the gym have slowly dwindled away. My 5k runs I was enjoying last summer dried up when the weather became colder. My yoga practise has been practically non-existent over the past several months. I have made excuses about time, money, and interest, but the reality is I could have and I should have been engaging my body in different ways.

After suffering another injury setback in the past few weeks, it has become very apparent that I need to balance my body and my training regimes. Thanks to a great discussion with my osteopath, Holly Treddenick of Blue Bird Osteopathy, I have found a probable culprit. My weak lower abdominals are causing my hip flexors to over-engage when I am training. When I train longer, more often or harder, they are basically constantly engaged, then become fatigued and finally, my back goes and I am stuck in bed with severe pain. Not fun!

Understanding the issue now, I have been able to create a balanced approach that should resolve my current problem and lessen the chances of another injury. I will be working towards this resolution in the following ways:

1. Yoga! I have recently begun practising Bikrim Yoga at the Bikram Yoga Studio in the Beaches, near my home. I have only participated in a few classes, but it is challenging and invigorating! The instructors are friendly and knowledgeable and I really look forward to getting the most out of my monthly pass! The goal I need to keep in mind is that this is an opportunity for me to stretch and release the tension in my very tight muscles so that they stop squashing the bones inside of me!

2. Aerial! Of course aerial. However, I am going to be very conscious of balancing out my training so that I am equally training my right (dominant) side and my left. This will correct the imbalances over-training my right has caused over the years.

3. Pilates! I was shocked when Holly suggested that my lower abdominals were weak. Shocked, I tell you! The proof is in the pudding though and I have had lower back issues for years now. I gotta do something about this. So, a few 30-minute sessions of pilates a week is just what I need. I am going to try and do this at home using a Youtube video series. I hear Popsugar is good. We'll see. Regardless, strengthening my core is just going to make everything better!

4. Strengthen my lower body! Squats, lunges and calf raises - Oh my! I have to do it though. I can't have a saggy butt and awesome arms. That's just weird!

Now, how am I going to balance all of this out on top of work and family and friends? Hopefully, like this gorgeous tight rope walker, I will handle these new challenges with grace, ease and of course, strength!

Tightrope Walker, 1890

Cheers, Jackie

Pause and Give Thanks

This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada. I have to take a moment to reflect on what has been happening in the past two weeks. Life has been hectic, but surprisingly, not stressful. I have been existing in a constant state of movement, but I have also been very still and had the opportunity to meditate like I haven't ever meditated before. It really has been a special time for me.

On September 30, Jay and I reached another milestone in our relationship. We celebrated 13 years together. How amazing is that?! It's difficult to find many people these days who are willing to stick it out in any relationship - marriage, friendship, job - for that long.

My sweet Jay really is an amazing person. He is so selfless and supportive. I have been running around like a crazy person dealing with work changes, rehearsals, performances and more and he stays home and he cleans up after my messes. He helps with dinner or just makes it himself. He rubs my sore body. He makes me laugh. He hangs out with my mom and sister, even if I'm not around. He drags himself all over Toronto on cold evenings to see me hang in a warehouse. I love that guy and I am thankful for him being in my life!

I have been asked many times by many people, why we aren't married. Well, to tell you the truth, I consider us much more married than most married people I know! We didn't meet and then, after a year, get engaged and then, after another year, get married. We have been through it all! Well, not all of it, but lots of it. And, we have made things work for us. A piece of paper isn't going to change anything. In fact, I recently heard that the more you spend on a wedding, the more likely you are to get divorced. So, there you go. We have spent nothing on a wedding, so we'll be stuck with each other forever and that's just fine with me!

13 Years of Loooovvvee!

Did I mention he came to see me hang in a warehouse after entertaining my mom and sister for the afternoon? It was about 4 degrees Celsius late on Saturday, October 4  and early on Sunday, October 5, 2014. That didn't seem to stop me from sweating when 7:00 p.m. rolled around and it was showtime. I ran around that warehouse and hugged all of my friends who were there. It felt good to have that last little bit of friendly contact before taking to the ropes for the performance of Cascade.

An amazing thing happened though once the music started. My nerves started to dwindle as I was shaking through the first part of the performance. It felt good to just let go and embrace the movement. I kept my eyes closed most of the time, but when I did open them, it was amazing to see how many people were watching, taking it all in silently. Occasionally, I would see my mom and sister, who were sweet enough to come up and support me. Sometimes I would see Jay or another person taking a photo, but I tried not to let my ego get in the way of the movement. I let the shaking take me away from that place and it felt good, especially as a person who can admit to being too concerned with outward appearances and how other people see me. I am thankful for those moments.

Shaking it Out for Cascade at Nuit Blanche

 Once the climbing began, I had to become more aware. I had to see the other artists because I needed to be sure I was differentiating my height and movement from theirs. Once I started looking around, I also saw more of the audience. It was a generous crowd, which can be nerve-wracking. Everyone was so respectful though. A few people walked by me on the way out whispering thanks and praise. It really was quite amazing and I was on a performance high for the rest of the night. It took me all the way through to my 4:00 a.m. performance, which I think might have actually been stronger than the earlier one!

Hanging, Alienhead, and my fanclub!

 In addition, I had the privilege of watching some of the most amazing artists/performers/athletes I know of create magic with their bodies. I watched in awe as men and women pulled off amazing acts of strength and beauty in the wee hours of the night after already performing for 3 or 4 hours. I am humbled. They were all amazing. Everyone was amazing. I am so thankful for the experience and having met new friends and gotten to know old friends better.

Amazing artistry performed by Laura and Natasha

 So, within the chaos that is life, it is possible to find the quiet moments if you look for them. And, we should all pause to meditate on what we are thankful for in this moment. If you choose, shaking is an excellent way to loosen all of those ideas and thoughts that seem to be intertwined within us. Just let the movement take you away!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jackie

Contemporary Circus Arts Festival of Toronto: Day One Social Circus Discussion Panel

A couple of years ago, I started thinking about the future of my career. As a teacher, I was already burnt out after 5 years on the job. I still am. I don't enjoy going to work. Most days, I literally dread the idea of getting in the car and making that 40-minute commute north of the city. On really bad days, I get serious anxiety. I have even cried in the car in the parking lot before going into the building.

You might ask your, what's so bad about it? You get a sweet pay cheque and a pension when you're done. You have summers off. Your days start at 9:00 a.m. and end at 3:30 p.m. (in my dreams), so things are pretty darn good. From the outside, those are all great! I don't deny the fact that summers off are amazing. I am not one of those people that complain about pay. I am certainly not at the top of the pay grid, but I am comfortable. But, when you work with people, and children in particular, you run into all kinds of obstacles and red tape that have nothing to do with that cool stuff I just mentioned. And, those obstacles and red tape make my job so shitty.


Does that mean I don't want to teach any longer? Not necessarily. I just need to find my niche. I need to make the best of my situation. So, going back to a couple of years ago again, I started thinking about how I could mix my love of circus with my day job. I had a very lofty dream of starting some sort of private arts school that would focus on core curriculum for half the day and then arts and physical education, including circus arts, for the other half of the day. I have the teaching know-how. I have some foundation in circus arts and many friends who have arts-based backgrounds. I am not a businessperson though and to start a private school, I would need to have a business plan and a substantial amount of start-up money. It seemed more than a bit daunting and I lost hope that I could ever pull something like this off.

Over time, my mind drifted back in that direction though. How can I make this work on a smaller scale? How can I combine my love of aerial arts and my background in teaching? Then, I started hearing about "social circus." Well, I didn't actually hear it being called that. What I did hear about was a woman in the Toronto-area that runs a programme called Talk to Youth Lately.

Angola Murdoch, founder and artistic director of Lookup Theatre, came into one of my silks classes to sub for my instructor, Natalie. In conversation, she brought up this programme and the amazing work that she is doing with youth aged 16 to 30 who suffer from mental health issues. I was instantly interested and wanted to speak with her more about this amazing work. She is based out of Owen Sound though in the summer months, my time off, so I didn't really have a chance to touch base with her and learn more.

I do want to learn more about these programmes though. And, there are many of them around Canada and around the world. I had to opportunity to begin my learning journey on Wednesday, September 24, 2014 at a Social Circus Discussion Panel held by the organizers of the Contemporary Circus Arts Festival of Toronto. I can't wait to share more with you about this panel and all of the amazing things that they are doing. It really got my brain juices flowing!

Rebecca Leonard moderated the panel discussion. I have heard about this woman so frequently in the community, but I've never met her until now and I certainly didn't realize the extent of her work in social circus! The rest of the biographies I am going to borrow from the event details provided to me through CCAFT. "Social Circus arts have come alive in diverse communities for the past 19 years. CCAFT provides a rare opportunity to meet with some of the prominent groups who are doing groundbreaking work in social circus in Canada. We are delighted to have a full spectrum of  social circus models & practitioners on the panel including Anik Couture/Cirque du Monde-Cirque du Soleil’s Global Citizenship, Helen Donnelly/Sr. Therapeutic Clown practioner, Marsha Kennington, Social Circus instructor, Angola Murdoch/Talk to Youth Lately T.T.Y.L., and Neal Rempel/Circus, Art & Magic Partnership C.A.M.P. "

They said so many things that struck a chord with me. They are working with people in South Africa, Columbia, Mexico and right here in Canada. Their programmes provide those in need with an outlet to express and explore their issues through physical activity - the circus arts - and discussion with social workers and counselors. They provide instruction, equipment and sometimes just time off the streets. They work with the poor and needy, addicts, runaways and marginalized communities in places most of us would shy away from. Their successes are amazing. Their challenges many. But, they don't give up on these people. They work with them and try to create sustainable growth in communities and people long after they are gone. So inspiring!

When they opened the discussion up to the audience, I was so nervous to speak. I literally felt the heat rise in my cheeks. I blushed because I was so impressed by the people I was surrounded by! I had to ask them, "Where do you start?" It's a question that I've been struggling with. But, I got an answer. I hope that one day, sooner rather than later, I can connect with the National Circus School in Montreal and take their programme that instructs individuals in leading a circus programme in the  context of social education. I was provided the information and contacts, now all I have to do is take that step. Additionally, I plan on connecting with Angola and volunteering with her TTYL programme and see what it's all about and learn from her and the people she works with. 

The seed has been planted. Now, I need to nurture that seed. I need to move forward and learn and grow. Isn't that what it's all about? I've felt like my energy and creativity and drive has been stifled by the job I am in, but I am not a quitter. I am an adapter. I will adapt and make my situation better and in the process, hopefully make other people's situations a bit better too. My journey may not take me the same direction as the speakers I heard from yesterday. I see myself working with younger audiences. I see helping them to build strong physical and emotional foundations in themselves so that they may not have to face the challenges of the teens and young adults that others are working with now and, if they do face them, they are better equipped to deal with them. If you're a teacher, a performer, a social worker, or just a like-minded person, let's get together and talk and learn and grow something amazing together!

 

Cheers, Jackie

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Hey! This week has been mad busy! Our new school, Anne Frank Public School, is finally open! It's the first Anne Frank Public School in all of Canada, ya know. That being said, I had to move in. I had to get boxes from my storage bin out to the school. Then, I had to unpack. I didn't go in on the weekend though. No way. That's crazy. The room will get done, when it gets done.

More importantly, I had Nuit Blanche rehearsals - (My hobby is more important than my job, ya know!) on Friday and Sunday evenings. AH-MAZING! If you go see this show, it will blow your freaking mind!

Saturday was no less busy. Jay and I went to see one of our favourite bands, The Architects, at the Opera House. They are great. So much energy. Their songs are so heavy, yet melodic, yet catchy. Love them! Loved it!

But, I've been busy. So, instead of writing a big post today, I thought I would stick in a clip of my silks performance that I created for Jamie Holmes' student showcase last summer. It features a song by The Architects called HyperRedSuperGiant. It's a great instrumental! Additionally, you lucky folks get to read my monthly newsletter that I send home to parents.

I hope you enjoy both! Cheers, Jackie

September Student Newsletter

Pushing Personal Boundaries

Sometimes it is better to put off until tomorrow what you planned on doing today. Yesterday I had planned to write a post. It was pretty scathing. I don't know what my problem was, but I was pissed. I was at the throat of the world for no apparent reason and it would have come out in my writing. I didn't post and now I feel better for it. Today I have a positive post. A post that means more to me than complaining about the actions of others. This is a post about pushing my own boundaries.

I have never been one to shy away from a challenge. Since I was a toddler, I have dove head first into things. Sometimes my actions were funny. Sometimes they were scary. As a teenager, I pushed every limit placed in my way, whether real or perceived. Didn't we all though?

As I grew up, I looked to push my boundaries in different and more productive ways. I moved to Toronto with a friend and we decided that we would rent an apartment as opposed to living in university dorms. We weren't afraid of the big bad city. When I found myself bored of school, I signed up for an exchange programme and headed to Australia for 6 months by myself. When I decided that teaching was going to be my career, instead of waiting for an Ontario school year to start, I jumped on another plane and headed back to Oz to get my Masters of Education.

Since my last adventure, I have settled considerably. Having a full time job comes with responsibilities that I don't always love. I have rent to pay, make car, insurance, student loan, and credit card payments. The list goes on forever. I can't just jump up and jet away anymore. It's sad, really, but I am certainly not alone! With these responsibilities, I have to look for new ways to push my own boundaries and test my limits.

I push and test and push some more through my aerial practice. Aerial work is a test of my physical boundaries as well as my mental and emotional limitations. The first mental block that I experienced a new aerialist was to actually start. Starting is a big deal. I cannot tell you how many times I have told someone what I do and they say they could "never" do that. If you can get passed that and get to a class, then comes the physical part.

Many of us have watched in awe at professional aerialists. Their grace, strength and beauty make this art seem effortless. It's not! It definitely takes effort. I went into classes assuming I was strong from going to the gym. I was, but I wasn't. I couldn't climb. I couldn't invert. It was frustrating. I wanted it, but my body said nope... in class one... in class two... in class three... and maybe by class four I started to get it. But, I had to come back. If I had have let my physical limitations put up a mental block, I would not be where I am today. And, where I am today is awesome!

I am not saying I am awesome. I am saying that aerial has brought me to a place where I am surrounded by awesomeness. Yes, the physical boundaries that I see people push themselves towards are amazing. The women and men I train with are true athletes and artists. I see them and I want to push myself to be better, and stronger. It's not always easy though.

Recently, I was sidelined by an injury. It happens. It took months to diagnose a herniated disc in my neck. During that time, I experienced pain both mentally and physically. I was weak. My body would not, and could not do what I wanted it to do. Mentally, I was depressed. I was missing my practice and my friends. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get passed this roadblock. With the support and kindness of my aerial instructors, a touch of physiotherapy, an amazing osteopath, and the love of my aerial family, I slowly made my way back to classes though.

At first, my boundaries were very constrained. I could only do certain movements. After half a class, my body was done and I had to call it quits. It was sad to leave class just as the others were getting ready to learn a new sequence or drop, but I had to take it easy. Soon though I could take full classes. Then, I was able to put together a short performance for a student showcase. Next, I tried an old drop that I knew well. Finally, I performed a longer piece at a second student showcase. I am so grateful for the opportunity to perform. It really did put me back on track. It gave me confidence in myself again. I was able to push a little further in the next class. Now, I am pushing myself farther than I ever have before.

I will be taking part in an epic aerial undertaking called "Cascade." This piece is the brainchild of an amazing Toronto artist, Brady Leary, and Anadam Dance Theatre, as well as other visual and musical artists. Sixty aerialists will be shaking and climbing and hanging and descending ropes from 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. on the evening of Saturday, October 4, 2014. Never before would I have felt comfortable to do this kind of postmodern, endurance-based, dance-aerial performance. To be honest, I am terrified. I question my abilities daily. However, I know that physically, I will be able to push myself to my limits safely. Mentally, I will be able to overcome my doubts and self-consciousness and be open to this new experience. Emotionally, I can overcome my fear of performing and being judged by an audience. If I let these boundaries get in my way, I would miss out on this amazing opportunity, and I am certainly not going to let that happen. Not now. Not ever.

Cascade: A small waterfall, typically one of several that fall in stages down a steep rocky slope. This beautifully cascading waterfall can be found outside Cairns, Queensland, Australia. Apparently, they filmed those hair-flipping, shampoo commercials at the base of this waterfall!

So, please don't limit yourself. Try something new. Take a risk. Push your boundaries. The daily grind really is monotonous. There must be more to life than getting up, driving to work, putting in your time and driving back home. I hope to see you at Nuit Blanche's Night Circus and our performance of Cascade!

Cheers, Jackie

Let Me Introduce Myself

I am going to begin by giving credit where credit is due. A Tea Party on the Ceiling would not be a Tea Party on the Ceiling if not for one of my beautiful and talented friends, Haley. While learning a new sequence in silks class one evening, she quipped that we all look like we're having a tea party on the ceiling. If you knew the sequence, you might agree! I liked how it sounded and it stuck with me, so here we are.

Next, I have to thank another one of my beautiful and talented friends, Jackie. We were discussing blogging one day in the car on the way to, or from silks class (not sure which) and I said blogging might be an interesting way to write again, but who cares what I have to say?! She said that I might be surprised. I hope I am because I'm putting it out there!

Hi! I am Jackie. I am a teacher by trade, an aerialist at heart, a fashionista when money allows and a metal fan for life! Of course, I am many, many more "things", but it's difficult to distill myself into one comprehensive list! I hope to use this forum for many purposes. I may share recipes. I may share lessons. I may share anecdotes. I may share successes. I may share frustrations. Regardless, I hope that I can find joy in writing about these events in my life and that I might share something that others can relate to, find meaning in or just enjoy!

I am sure with the new school year fast approaching that I will find many things to write about in the weeks to come. I am sure will you hear about the excitement and newness that September brings, along with some of my frustrations! Let's sit back though and just enjoy this, our first tea party on the ceiling!

Cheers! Jackie