Let's Be Awesome This Year!

This past month has been a blur as is often the case when the holiday season is upon us. Many nights I would tell myself to sit down and write something, but it just never happened. I am not going to beat myself up over it though. I was living life and not just writing about it!

Many people have been reminiscing, looking back and reflecting on 2014. Lists are big at this time of year. Here is my 2014 end-of-year list:

Most Memorable Moments

 (not necessarily in any particular order of importance!)

5. Moving On

This year I moved, literally. After living with many shortcomings and frustrations, we decided to move into a new apartment. Our new place is not perfect, but it is miles ahead of where we were. I also moved on to a new job. Not a new career, but a new job at a new school, teaching a new grade. While neither move has been perfect and I didn't necessarily find the changes I was looking for in these new situations, I am happy that I made the choice to try something new. Being stagnant, refusing to take risks and living with what makes you unhappy is not the way to live. If you don't try to change, you will never know what you are missing!

4. Jay and Jackie's Slipknot Date... Finally

If you know Jay and I, you know that we met in an interesting way. Back in 2001, I was desperate to find a driving buddy that would be willing to take on a 10-hour trek to Chicago to see The Pledge of Allegiance Tour with me. It seemed at the time that no one loved Slipknot, System of a Down, and Mudvayne quite as much as I did! Finally, a friend at work gave me a phone number and I called and spoke to Jay for the first time. He was hesitant to go. We didn't know each other and he was pretty broke at the time. I talked him into it though and we were ready to go when 9/11 went down. The concert was cancelled, but our relationship was not! Thirteen years later, we finally saw the 'Knot for the first time together. I was pretty epic and special and weird. I'm happy I am writing about it "Before I Forget"! Get it?!

November 20, 2014 - Slipknot at the ACC. It must be love!

3. The Injury

Ugh! Not all memorable moments can be good! This year I was grounded by a crappy injury that probably actually occurred in 2013. I wouldn't admit I was injured though, so nothing was really done about it until 2014. What did I learn from this injury? Well, I learned to listen to my body. If something hurts, like hurt-hurts, don't ignore it. It might not just "go way" and you can't always "play through the pain." I also learned not to give up. I was devastated when I couldn't train. I got depressed. I thought I was never going to bounce back. I did though. I had a lot of support. I started small. My amazing instructor modified conditioning for me. She watched what I was doing and made corrections so I wouldn't aggravate or cause new injury. I learned these tricks and I focus on form much more now than I ever did in the past. I helped a friend perform in her showcase. Then, I was ready to perform a short piece of my own. I came back! I am getting stronger. But, I am also aware now. So, what was bad, turned out to be a good thing!

2. Nuit Blanche and Cascade

This was my very first public performance. It was my very first paid gig. It was amazing! You've seen the pictures. I've gushed about how amazing it was, but did I mention it was one of the Top 5 Dance Shows of 2014 according to Now Magazine writer, Kathleen Smith? No? Well, it was! I won't bore you with all of the details again though. But, it was so inspirational! Since Cascade, I have applied for other opportunities to perform publicly. I've participated in events like CCAFT to learn and extend my knowledge and understanding of the world of circus. I will be writing a blog post for the upcoming Circus Sessions held at Habourfront Centre. I am hoping this is just the beginning for me and I will surely be expanding my circus repertoire in 2015!

Cascade at Nuit Blanche 2014 - That's me up there!

1. The Year of the Baby

So many beautiful babies came into my life this year! I have a new niece, born to Jay's brother and sister-in-law in September. Izzy is a beautiful and happy little girl. We had the chance to babysit the little angel in September and even though it wasn't always smooth, we had a great evening spending time with her and getting to know her better. Then, T got a new baby brother! Austin was born to my sister and brother-in-law in November. It's been interesting balancing visits with the family now. Teya is very active and loves to play with her Auntie and Uncle, but it's also fun to get in some snuggle time baby Austin. He is very smooshie and loves to curl into you and sleep and sleep. Being the first boy in the family, I have made a few diaper change errors that have resulted in people getting peed on! Whoops. I'll learn. Finally, Christmas Day brought the best gift of all to a friend and her partner - a new bundle of joy. I haven't met him yet, but I am really looking forward to snuggling this little guy too!

Baby Austin and Auntie Jackie

While I am not sure if motherhood is in the cards for me, I am always in awe of how a baby changes a family and brings so much joy and happiness to the lives that he or she touches.

Honourable Mention

Well, I started this blog this year. It's been pretty great! I love all of the feedback that I get from friends. I have learned that sharing my journey can help others. I have learned that it's not a bad thing to be vulnerable and ask for help. People are willing to help! Whether it's the messages I have received or the advice I have been given, I appreciate it all and look forward to another year of sharing with and learning from all of the amazing people in my life!

I also got to spend more time with my favourite niece! T and I are best of buddies. She loves playing circus with me and dancing crazy dances. She loves coming up and spending the weekend at our place. I love seeing her grow up! I love seeing her and Jay play together. I hope upon hope that our bond gets stronger as the years go on and I don't turn into her boring old aunt! 

And of course, it is time to make some New Year's Resolutions!

1. I resolve to be less materialistic. I am going to refrain from purchasing new clothes and instead get further into clothing recycling. I can sell/trade items that I am not using any more and buy from resale/consignment shops. I guess I will by my underwear new!

2. I resolve to eat vegetarian more often. I already do a pretty good job of this, but I would like to eat completely veggie at least 2 days a week.

3. Hug more! I am not a touchy-feely person, but I'd like to be, so I resolve to hug more people and do so more often! Spread the love :)

4.  I resolve to stretch more often and condition with more vigor! The two go hand-in-hand. If I condition more vigorously, then I need to stretch more often, right?! So, here's to a year of skin-the-cat, windshield wipers, leg lifts, pull-ups and happy, flexy muscles!

There's more - business ideas, relationship plans, spending time with friends, finding a better work-life balance. I know there's more, but I don't want to over-extend myself! So, I'll leave it at that for now.

Happy New Year everyone. I wish you all of the love, happiness, hope and glitter that a new year offers. Let's not waste it. Let's be awesome!

Cheers, Jackie

Pause and Give Thanks

This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada. I have to take a moment to reflect on what has been happening in the past two weeks. Life has been hectic, but surprisingly, not stressful. I have been existing in a constant state of movement, but I have also been very still and had the opportunity to meditate like I haven't ever meditated before. It really has been a special time for me.

On September 30, Jay and I reached another milestone in our relationship. We celebrated 13 years together. How amazing is that?! It's difficult to find many people these days who are willing to stick it out in any relationship - marriage, friendship, job - for that long.

My sweet Jay really is an amazing person. He is so selfless and supportive. I have been running around like a crazy person dealing with work changes, rehearsals, performances and more and he stays home and he cleans up after my messes. He helps with dinner or just makes it himself. He rubs my sore body. He makes me laugh. He hangs out with my mom and sister, even if I'm not around. He drags himself all over Toronto on cold evenings to see me hang in a warehouse. I love that guy and I am thankful for him being in my life!

I have been asked many times by many people, why we aren't married. Well, to tell you the truth, I consider us much more married than most married people I know! We didn't meet and then, after a year, get engaged and then, after another year, get married. We have been through it all! Well, not all of it, but lots of it. And, we have made things work for us. A piece of paper isn't going to change anything. In fact, I recently heard that the more you spend on a wedding, the more likely you are to get divorced. So, there you go. We have spent nothing on a wedding, so we'll be stuck with each other forever and that's just fine with me!

13 Years of Loooovvvee!

Did I mention he came to see me hang in a warehouse after entertaining my mom and sister for the afternoon? It was about 4 degrees Celsius late on Saturday, October 4  and early on Sunday, October 5, 2014. That didn't seem to stop me from sweating when 7:00 p.m. rolled around and it was showtime. I ran around that warehouse and hugged all of my friends who were there. It felt good to have that last little bit of friendly contact before taking to the ropes for the performance of Cascade.

An amazing thing happened though once the music started. My nerves started to dwindle as I was shaking through the first part of the performance. It felt good to just let go and embrace the movement. I kept my eyes closed most of the time, but when I did open them, it was amazing to see how many people were watching, taking it all in silently. Occasionally, I would see my mom and sister, who were sweet enough to come up and support me. Sometimes I would see Jay or another person taking a photo, but I tried not to let my ego get in the way of the movement. I let the shaking take me away from that place and it felt good, especially as a person who can admit to being too concerned with outward appearances and how other people see me. I am thankful for those moments.

Shaking it Out for Cascade at Nuit Blanche

 Once the climbing began, I had to become more aware. I had to see the other artists because I needed to be sure I was differentiating my height and movement from theirs. Once I started looking around, I also saw more of the audience. It was a generous crowd, which can be nerve-wracking. Everyone was so respectful though. A few people walked by me on the way out whispering thanks and praise. It really was quite amazing and I was on a performance high for the rest of the night. It took me all the way through to my 4:00 a.m. performance, which I think might have actually been stronger than the earlier one!

Hanging, Alienhead, and my fanclub!

 In addition, I had the privilege of watching some of the most amazing artists/performers/athletes I know of create magic with their bodies. I watched in awe as men and women pulled off amazing acts of strength and beauty in the wee hours of the night after already performing for 3 or 4 hours. I am humbled. They were all amazing. Everyone was amazing. I am so thankful for the experience and having met new friends and gotten to know old friends better.

Amazing artistry performed by Laura and Natasha

 So, within the chaos that is life, it is possible to find the quiet moments if you look for them. And, we should all pause to meditate on what we are thankful for in this moment. If you choose, shaking is an excellent way to loosen all of those ideas and thoughts that seem to be intertwined within us. Just let the movement take you away!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jackie