Let's Be Awesome This Year!

This past month has been a blur as is often the case when the holiday season is upon us. Many nights I would tell myself to sit down and write something, but it just never happened. I am not going to beat myself up over it though. I was living life and not just writing about it!

Many people have been reminiscing, looking back and reflecting on 2014. Lists are big at this time of year. Here is my 2014 end-of-year list:

Most Memorable Moments

 (not necessarily in any particular order of importance!)

5. Moving On

This year I moved, literally. After living with many shortcomings and frustrations, we decided to move into a new apartment. Our new place is not perfect, but it is miles ahead of where we were. I also moved on to a new job. Not a new career, but a new job at a new school, teaching a new grade. While neither move has been perfect and I didn't necessarily find the changes I was looking for in these new situations, I am happy that I made the choice to try something new. Being stagnant, refusing to take risks and living with what makes you unhappy is not the way to live. If you don't try to change, you will never know what you are missing!

4. Jay and Jackie's Slipknot Date... Finally

If you know Jay and I, you know that we met in an interesting way. Back in 2001, I was desperate to find a driving buddy that would be willing to take on a 10-hour trek to Chicago to see The Pledge of Allegiance Tour with me. It seemed at the time that no one loved Slipknot, System of a Down, and Mudvayne quite as much as I did! Finally, a friend at work gave me a phone number and I called and spoke to Jay for the first time. He was hesitant to go. We didn't know each other and he was pretty broke at the time. I talked him into it though and we were ready to go when 9/11 went down. The concert was cancelled, but our relationship was not! Thirteen years later, we finally saw the 'Knot for the first time together. I was pretty epic and special and weird. I'm happy I am writing about it "Before I Forget"! Get it?!

November 20, 2014 - Slipknot at the ACC. It must be love!

3. The Injury

Ugh! Not all memorable moments can be good! This year I was grounded by a crappy injury that probably actually occurred in 2013. I wouldn't admit I was injured though, so nothing was really done about it until 2014. What did I learn from this injury? Well, I learned to listen to my body. If something hurts, like hurt-hurts, don't ignore it. It might not just "go way" and you can't always "play through the pain." I also learned not to give up. I was devastated when I couldn't train. I got depressed. I thought I was never going to bounce back. I did though. I had a lot of support. I started small. My amazing instructor modified conditioning for me. She watched what I was doing and made corrections so I wouldn't aggravate or cause new injury. I learned these tricks and I focus on form much more now than I ever did in the past. I helped a friend perform in her showcase. Then, I was ready to perform a short piece of my own. I came back! I am getting stronger. But, I am also aware now. So, what was bad, turned out to be a good thing!

2. Nuit Blanche and Cascade

This was my very first public performance. It was my very first paid gig. It was amazing! You've seen the pictures. I've gushed about how amazing it was, but did I mention it was one of the Top 5 Dance Shows of 2014 according to Now Magazine writer, Kathleen Smith? No? Well, it was! I won't bore you with all of the details again though. But, it was so inspirational! Since Cascade, I have applied for other opportunities to perform publicly. I've participated in events like CCAFT to learn and extend my knowledge and understanding of the world of circus. I will be writing a blog post for the upcoming Circus Sessions held at Habourfront Centre. I am hoping this is just the beginning for me and I will surely be expanding my circus repertoire in 2015!

Cascade at Nuit Blanche 2014 - That's me up there!

1. The Year of the Baby

So many beautiful babies came into my life this year! I have a new niece, born to Jay's brother and sister-in-law in September. Izzy is a beautiful and happy little girl. We had the chance to babysit the little angel in September and even though it wasn't always smooth, we had a great evening spending time with her and getting to know her better. Then, T got a new baby brother! Austin was born to my sister and brother-in-law in November. It's been interesting balancing visits with the family now. Teya is very active and loves to play with her Auntie and Uncle, but it's also fun to get in some snuggle time baby Austin. He is very smooshie and loves to curl into you and sleep and sleep. Being the first boy in the family, I have made a few diaper change errors that have resulted in people getting peed on! Whoops. I'll learn. Finally, Christmas Day brought the best gift of all to a friend and her partner - a new bundle of joy. I haven't met him yet, but I am really looking forward to snuggling this little guy too!

Baby Austin and Auntie Jackie

While I am not sure if motherhood is in the cards for me, I am always in awe of how a baby changes a family and brings so much joy and happiness to the lives that he or she touches.

Honourable Mention

Well, I started this blog this year. It's been pretty great! I love all of the feedback that I get from friends. I have learned that sharing my journey can help others. I have learned that it's not a bad thing to be vulnerable and ask for help. People are willing to help! Whether it's the messages I have received or the advice I have been given, I appreciate it all and look forward to another year of sharing with and learning from all of the amazing people in my life!

I also got to spend more time with my favourite niece! T and I are best of buddies. She loves playing circus with me and dancing crazy dances. She loves coming up and spending the weekend at our place. I love seeing her grow up! I love seeing her and Jay play together. I hope upon hope that our bond gets stronger as the years go on and I don't turn into her boring old aunt! 

And of course, it is time to make some New Year's Resolutions!

1. I resolve to be less materialistic. I am going to refrain from purchasing new clothes and instead get further into clothing recycling. I can sell/trade items that I am not using any more and buy from resale/consignment shops. I guess I will by my underwear new!

2. I resolve to eat vegetarian more often. I already do a pretty good job of this, but I would like to eat completely veggie at least 2 days a week.

3. Hug more! I am not a touchy-feely person, but I'd like to be, so I resolve to hug more people and do so more often! Spread the love :)

4.  I resolve to stretch more often and condition with more vigor! The two go hand-in-hand. If I condition more vigorously, then I need to stretch more often, right?! So, here's to a year of skin-the-cat, windshield wipers, leg lifts, pull-ups and happy, flexy muscles!

There's more - business ideas, relationship plans, spending time with friends, finding a better work-life balance. I know there's more, but I don't want to over-extend myself! So, I'll leave it at that for now.

Happy New Year everyone. I wish you all of the love, happiness, hope and glitter that a new year offers. Let's not waste it. Let's be awesome!

Cheers, Jackie

Pause and Give Thanks

This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada. I have to take a moment to reflect on what has been happening in the past two weeks. Life has been hectic, but surprisingly, not stressful. I have been existing in a constant state of movement, but I have also been very still and had the opportunity to meditate like I haven't ever meditated before. It really has been a special time for me.

On September 30, Jay and I reached another milestone in our relationship. We celebrated 13 years together. How amazing is that?! It's difficult to find many people these days who are willing to stick it out in any relationship - marriage, friendship, job - for that long.

My sweet Jay really is an amazing person. He is so selfless and supportive. I have been running around like a crazy person dealing with work changes, rehearsals, performances and more and he stays home and he cleans up after my messes. He helps with dinner or just makes it himself. He rubs my sore body. He makes me laugh. He hangs out with my mom and sister, even if I'm not around. He drags himself all over Toronto on cold evenings to see me hang in a warehouse. I love that guy and I am thankful for him being in my life!

I have been asked many times by many people, why we aren't married. Well, to tell you the truth, I consider us much more married than most married people I know! We didn't meet and then, after a year, get engaged and then, after another year, get married. We have been through it all! Well, not all of it, but lots of it. And, we have made things work for us. A piece of paper isn't going to change anything. In fact, I recently heard that the more you spend on a wedding, the more likely you are to get divorced. So, there you go. We have spent nothing on a wedding, so we'll be stuck with each other forever and that's just fine with me!

13 Years of Loooovvvee!

Did I mention he came to see me hang in a warehouse after entertaining my mom and sister for the afternoon? It was about 4 degrees Celsius late on Saturday, October 4  and early on Sunday, October 5, 2014. That didn't seem to stop me from sweating when 7:00 p.m. rolled around and it was showtime. I ran around that warehouse and hugged all of my friends who were there. It felt good to have that last little bit of friendly contact before taking to the ropes for the performance of Cascade.

An amazing thing happened though once the music started. My nerves started to dwindle as I was shaking through the first part of the performance. It felt good to just let go and embrace the movement. I kept my eyes closed most of the time, but when I did open them, it was amazing to see how many people were watching, taking it all in silently. Occasionally, I would see my mom and sister, who were sweet enough to come up and support me. Sometimes I would see Jay or another person taking a photo, but I tried not to let my ego get in the way of the movement. I let the shaking take me away from that place and it felt good, especially as a person who can admit to being too concerned with outward appearances and how other people see me. I am thankful for those moments.

Shaking it Out for Cascade at Nuit Blanche

 Once the climbing began, I had to become more aware. I had to see the other artists because I needed to be sure I was differentiating my height and movement from theirs. Once I started looking around, I also saw more of the audience. It was a generous crowd, which can be nerve-wracking. Everyone was so respectful though. A few people walked by me on the way out whispering thanks and praise. It really was quite amazing and I was on a performance high for the rest of the night. It took me all the way through to my 4:00 a.m. performance, which I think might have actually been stronger than the earlier one!

Hanging, Alienhead, and my fanclub!

 In addition, I had the privilege of watching some of the most amazing artists/performers/athletes I know of create magic with their bodies. I watched in awe as men and women pulled off amazing acts of strength and beauty in the wee hours of the night after already performing for 3 or 4 hours. I am humbled. They were all amazing. Everyone was amazing. I am so thankful for the experience and having met new friends and gotten to know old friends better.

Amazing artistry performed by Laura and Natasha

 So, within the chaos that is life, it is possible to find the quiet moments if you look for them. And, we should all pause to meditate on what we are thankful for in this moment. If you choose, shaking is an excellent way to loosen all of those ideas and thoughts that seem to be intertwined within us. Just let the movement take you away!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jackie

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Hey! This week has been mad busy! Our new school, Anne Frank Public School, is finally open! It's the first Anne Frank Public School in all of Canada, ya know. That being said, I had to move in. I had to get boxes from my storage bin out to the school. Then, I had to unpack. I didn't go in on the weekend though. No way. That's crazy. The room will get done, when it gets done.

More importantly, I had Nuit Blanche rehearsals - (My hobby is more important than my job, ya know!) on Friday and Sunday evenings. AH-MAZING! If you go see this show, it will blow your freaking mind!

Saturday was no less busy. Jay and I went to see one of our favourite bands, The Architects, at the Opera House. They are great. So much energy. Their songs are so heavy, yet melodic, yet catchy. Love them! Loved it!

But, I've been busy. So, instead of writing a big post today, I thought I would stick in a clip of my silks performance that I created for Jamie Holmes' student showcase last summer. It features a song by The Architects called HyperRedSuperGiant. It's a great instrumental! Additionally, you lucky folks get to read my monthly newsletter that I send home to parents.

I hope you enjoy both! Cheers, Jackie

September Student Newsletter

Pushing Personal Boundaries

Sometimes it is better to put off until tomorrow what you planned on doing today. Yesterday I had planned to write a post. It was pretty scathing. I don't know what my problem was, but I was pissed. I was at the throat of the world for no apparent reason and it would have come out in my writing. I didn't post and now I feel better for it. Today I have a positive post. A post that means more to me than complaining about the actions of others. This is a post about pushing my own boundaries.

I have never been one to shy away from a challenge. Since I was a toddler, I have dove head first into things. Sometimes my actions were funny. Sometimes they were scary. As a teenager, I pushed every limit placed in my way, whether real or perceived. Didn't we all though?

As I grew up, I looked to push my boundaries in different and more productive ways. I moved to Toronto with a friend and we decided that we would rent an apartment as opposed to living in university dorms. We weren't afraid of the big bad city. When I found myself bored of school, I signed up for an exchange programme and headed to Australia for 6 months by myself. When I decided that teaching was going to be my career, instead of waiting for an Ontario school year to start, I jumped on another plane and headed back to Oz to get my Masters of Education.

Since my last adventure, I have settled considerably. Having a full time job comes with responsibilities that I don't always love. I have rent to pay, make car, insurance, student loan, and credit card payments. The list goes on forever. I can't just jump up and jet away anymore. It's sad, really, but I am certainly not alone! With these responsibilities, I have to look for new ways to push my own boundaries and test my limits.

I push and test and push some more through my aerial practice. Aerial work is a test of my physical boundaries as well as my mental and emotional limitations. The first mental block that I experienced a new aerialist was to actually start. Starting is a big deal. I cannot tell you how many times I have told someone what I do and they say they could "never" do that. If you can get passed that and get to a class, then comes the physical part.

Many of us have watched in awe at professional aerialists. Their grace, strength and beauty make this art seem effortless. It's not! It definitely takes effort. I went into classes assuming I was strong from going to the gym. I was, but I wasn't. I couldn't climb. I couldn't invert. It was frustrating. I wanted it, but my body said nope... in class one... in class two... in class three... and maybe by class four I started to get it. But, I had to come back. If I had have let my physical limitations put up a mental block, I would not be where I am today. And, where I am today is awesome!

I am not saying I am awesome. I am saying that aerial has brought me to a place where I am surrounded by awesomeness. Yes, the physical boundaries that I see people push themselves towards are amazing. The women and men I train with are true athletes and artists. I see them and I want to push myself to be better, and stronger. It's not always easy though.

Recently, I was sidelined by an injury. It happens. It took months to diagnose a herniated disc in my neck. During that time, I experienced pain both mentally and physically. I was weak. My body would not, and could not do what I wanted it to do. Mentally, I was depressed. I was missing my practice and my friends. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get passed this roadblock. With the support and kindness of my aerial instructors, a touch of physiotherapy, an amazing osteopath, and the love of my aerial family, I slowly made my way back to classes though.

At first, my boundaries were very constrained. I could only do certain movements. After half a class, my body was done and I had to call it quits. It was sad to leave class just as the others were getting ready to learn a new sequence or drop, but I had to take it easy. Soon though I could take full classes. Then, I was able to put together a short performance for a student showcase. Next, I tried an old drop that I knew well. Finally, I performed a longer piece at a second student showcase. I am so grateful for the opportunity to perform. It really did put me back on track. It gave me confidence in myself again. I was able to push a little further in the next class. Now, I am pushing myself farther than I ever have before.

I will be taking part in an epic aerial undertaking called "Cascade." This piece is the brainchild of an amazing Toronto artist, Brady Leary, and Anadam Dance Theatre, as well as other visual and musical artists. Sixty aerialists will be shaking and climbing and hanging and descending ropes from 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. on the evening of Saturday, October 4, 2014. Never before would I have felt comfortable to do this kind of postmodern, endurance-based, dance-aerial performance. To be honest, I am terrified. I question my abilities daily. However, I know that physically, I will be able to push myself to my limits safely. Mentally, I will be able to overcome my doubts and self-consciousness and be open to this new experience. Emotionally, I can overcome my fear of performing and being judged by an audience. If I let these boundaries get in my way, I would miss out on this amazing opportunity, and I am certainly not going to let that happen. Not now. Not ever.

Cascade: A small waterfall, typically one of several that fall in stages down a steep rocky slope. This beautifully cascading waterfall can be found outside Cairns, Queensland, Australia. Apparently, they filmed those hair-flipping, shampoo commercials at the base of this waterfall!

So, please don't limit yourself. Try something new. Take a risk. Push your boundaries. The daily grind really is monotonous. There must be more to life than getting up, driving to work, putting in your time and driving back home. I hope to see you at Nuit Blanche's Night Circus and our performance of Cascade!

Cheers, Jackie