Pushing Personal Boundaries

Sometimes it is better to put off until tomorrow what you planned on doing today. Yesterday I had planned to write a post. It was pretty scathing. I don't know what my problem was, but I was pissed. I was at the throat of the world for no apparent reason and it would have come out in my writing. I didn't post and now I feel better for it. Today I have a positive post. A post that means more to me than complaining about the actions of others. This is a post about pushing my own boundaries.

I have never been one to shy away from a challenge. Since I was a toddler, I have dove head first into things. Sometimes my actions were funny. Sometimes they were scary. As a teenager, I pushed every limit placed in my way, whether real or perceived. Didn't we all though?

As I grew up, I looked to push my boundaries in different and more productive ways. I moved to Toronto with a friend and we decided that we would rent an apartment as opposed to living in university dorms. We weren't afraid of the big bad city. When I found myself bored of school, I signed up for an exchange programme and headed to Australia for 6 months by myself. When I decided that teaching was going to be my career, instead of waiting for an Ontario school year to start, I jumped on another plane and headed back to Oz to get my Masters of Education.

Since my last adventure, I have settled considerably. Having a full time job comes with responsibilities that I don't always love. I have rent to pay, make car, insurance, student loan, and credit card payments. The list goes on forever. I can't just jump up and jet away anymore. It's sad, really, but I am certainly not alone! With these responsibilities, I have to look for new ways to push my own boundaries and test my limits.

I push and test and push some more through my aerial practice. Aerial work is a test of my physical boundaries as well as my mental and emotional limitations. The first mental block that I experienced a new aerialist was to actually start. Starting is a big deal. I cannot tell you how many times I have told someone what I do and they say they could "never" do that. If you can get passed that and get to a class, then comes the physical part.

Many of us have watched in awe at professional aerialists. Their grace, strength and beauty make this art seem effortless. It's not! It definitely takes effort. I went into classes assuming I was strong from going to the gym. I was, but I wasn't. I couldn't climb. I couldn't invert. It was frustrating. I wanted it, but my body said nope... in class one... in class two... in class three... and maybe by class four I started to get it. But, I had to come back. If I had have let my physical limitations put up a mental block, I would not be where I am today. And, where I am today is awesome!

I am not saying I am awesome. I am saying that aerial has brought me to a place where I am surrounded by awesomeness. Yes, the physical boundaries that I see people push themselves towards are amazing. The women and men I train with are true athletes and artists. I see them and I want to push myself to be better, and stronger. It's not always easy though.

Recently, I was sidelined by an injury. It happens. It took months to diagnose a herniated disc in my neck. During that time, I experienced pain both mentally and physically. I was weak. My body would not, and could not do what I wanted it to do. Mentally, I was depressed. I was missing my practice and my friends. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get passed this roadblock. With the support and kindness of my aerial instructors, a touch of physiotherapy, an amazing osteopath, and the love of my aerial family, I slowly made my way back to classes though.

At first, my boundaries were very constrained. I could only do certain movements. After half a class, my body was done and I had to call it quits. It was sad to leave class just as the others were getting ready to learn a new sequence or drop, but I had to take it easy. Soon though I could take full classes. Then, I was able to put together a short performance for a student showcase. Next, I tried an old drop that I knew well. Finally, I performed a longer piece at a second student showcase. I am so grateful for the opportunity to perform. It really did put me back on track. It gave me confidence in myself again. I was able to push a little further in the next class. Now, I am pushing myself farther than I ever have before.

I will be taking part in an epic aerial undertaking called "Cascade." This piece is the brainchild of an amazing Toronto artist, Brady Leary, and Anadam Dance Theatre, as well as other visual and musical artists. Sixty aerialists will be shaking and climbing and hanging and descending ropes from 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. on the evening of Saturday, October 4, 2014. Never before would I have felt comfortable to do this kind of postmodern, endurance-based, dance-aerial performance. To be honest, I am terrified. I question my abilities daily. However, I know that physically, I will be able to push myself to my limits safely. Mentally, I will be able to overcome my doubts and self-consciousness and be open to this new experience. Emotionally, I can overcome my fear of performing and being judged by an audience. If I let these boundaries get in my way, I would miss out on this amazing opportunity, and I am certainly not going to let that happen. Not now. Not ever.

Cascade: A small waterfall, typically one of several that fall in stages down a steep rocky slope. This beautifully cascading waterfall can be found outside Cairns, Queensland, Australia. Apparently, they filmed those hair-flipping, shampoo commercials at the base of this waterfall!

So, please don't limit yourself. Try something new. Take a risk. Push your boundaries. The daily grind really is monotonous. There must be more to life than getting up, driving to work, putting in your time and driving back home. I hope to see you at Nuit Blanche's Night Circus and our performance of Cascade!

Cheers, Jackie