Getting Past the September Slump

September is an exhausting month for me and thankfully it is almost over.  I spend July and August as a (mostly) free spirit. I get up when I want. I eat when I want. I spend time with myself doing what I want with few responsibilities. And then it's September and everything changes.

September brings early mornings and long commutes in traffic. September brings meal planning and prepping and regimented times to eat and go to the bathroom. Most of all, September means that I need to shift my mental focus away from myself and towards the young people that I am responsible for inspiring on a daily basis.

Please don't read this and think that I'm complaining about my vacation time, or the fact that I'm back to work. I'm not. However, the other day I was feeling down and pretty uninspired and I had to wonder, why? Teachers have always been sensitive to the fact that some children have a difficult time transitioning back into the routine of school days however I had never really reflected on my own feelings during this time.

At the moment, my creativity is being used to plan engaging lessons for my students. I am building relationships with 28 new people. Each one of them is different. Each one of them has expectations of me. Some come to school with bad feelings about their previous teachers or experiences in education. Some come with a set of challenges that I need to learn, understand, work with, and carefully balance. I am trying to hook them for the year and I don't have very many opportunities to create that hook. It's not easy and the stress is real!

All of those carefree things I was doing in the summer have been put on the back burner. I'm tired, so going out to hula hoop seems like work. I'm still trying to recover my strength after an injury, so training aerial silks feels frustrating. I've spent the day writing lesson plans, so staring at a computer trying to generate ideas to share in a blog post doesn't seem like fun, and I feel like I don't really have anything interesting to say anyways. With all of that negativity taking up space in my brain, no wonder I was feeling badly! 

Luckily for me, the universe saw that I was in need and presented a few perfect solutions for my melancholy. First, my amazing aerial instructor is planning a student showcase for November. Choreographing an act and working towards this showcase is just what I need to get my personal creative juices flowing! I am often motivated by working towards a goal and for me creating a new routine is a wonderful challenge. I was also fortunate enough to experience circus performers from around the world put on amazing and thought-provoking shows during the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this summer, so I'm happy to say that I have more than enough inspiration to draw on for this performance. It will be my first performance after my injury, so I am trying to be kind to myself, but I'm quite excited to get back on stage!

I am also in the midst of fostering some new writing ideas, also for the circus world. I have been networking with other writers, discussing how we can foster the circus writing community, and make it a sustainable way for performers and writers to make a living wage. I spent part of my summer working with circus writer/reviewer extraordinaire Katherine Kavanaugh, founder of the online circus website, Circus Diaries. With her support, I realised this summer that my writing voice is appreciated and it is needed. I want to promote the outstanding work that is being created here in Toronto, Ontario. I want to bring it to an audience outside of the immediate community.  I have reached out to organizations and received media accreditation so that I can review shows when they are playing here and build audiences for circus productions outside of the world of Cirque du Soliel. The hope is that with a wider audience,  more international shows will make Toronto a stop on their tours.

Self-reflection is a pretty amazing thing. Having spent the time to think about what bothers me and then creating a plan to get past those feelings has helped me to make it over my September Slump. Whatever you do to get past your slumps, be it writing, performing, painting, or yodeling, just be sure to carve out some time for yourself and do it! If you're feeling uninspired, reach out to your community and find inspiration in what others are doing. Challenge yourself to try something new-to-you. If you're still feeling meh then have a nap and try again in the morning! Just don't quit trying, OK?!                                                             

Cheers! Jackie

Back to School 2018 - The New School Edition

It's been a while. Someone recently pointed that out to me. I think it's because I got into the habit of writing when things weren't going well, when I was feeling desperate to purge the negativity inside of myself. That's changed though. I've learned to use new tools to work through those feelings. I've also been working diligently to move forward in my life and not dwell/wallow in what is not working for me. Change and opportunity are over every horizon and I can no longer keep my eyes cast downward. I am approaching all that I can with my eyes wide open and ready to embrace what comes my way. If it's not coming my way, I'm ready to change paths and directions and chase it down and make opportunities to grow.

What's new? It's a new year and this September that means a new school for me. I am looking forward to working with and learning from a whole new group of teacher people. They are a dynamic group and I see many of their names attached to projects in and around the school board where I work. Many of them are leaders and innovators and I hope that I can continue to build my own practice in their presence and some of my own brand of crazy rubs off on them too!

I have been working in one community for the past 10 years, so I am also very excited to begin working with children that have different perspectives and life experiences. What will they be like? How can I help them enjoy school? What can I do to make their day better? What opportunities can I provide them? Will they like and accept me as their teacher? Will they be disappointed they don't have Mr. So-and-So or Ms. Whatchamacallit? Only time will tell, but I am ready for the responsibility presented to me every September - that is to make sure every child comes to school and feels safe and accepted enough to learn. It's a big responsibility. Parents entrust their child to me every morning and no matter where I teach I begin my day with that thought in mind. 

July 21, 2018, Community protest against changes made to the 2015 Health & Phys Ed curriculum. The government expects teachers to revert to the 1998 version of the curriculum, which does not address consent, cyberbullying, different family structures, etc. High school students Frank Hong and Rayne Fisher-Quann organized this rally to protest "an unprecedented assault on students' right to a fair and up-to-date education." (quote from Facebook event page)

This year there are new challenges being presented to teachers from beyond the classroom. A new government has been elected. It's the first change of government I've experienced in my 10 years of teaching. Their mandate is not to make education better. It is to make it more economical and efficient. The rollbacks include more than just funding. They include some of the progress made for marginalized communities, including LGBTQ2 and indigenous students. The fight against these rollbacks has been raging all summer long and there is still uncertainty as the school year begins. I am encouraged to see young people leading the way and adding their voices to the debate. It is their education, their future! The bureaucracy will work its way through the courts and halls of government and in the meantime, the rest of us will continue do what we do. Teach in a fair and just way. 

Deep Learning: Shedding a Light on a Dark Past

As a teacher, I often have the opportunity to enjoy professional learning of my choosing that is provided by our school board. We are encouraged to pursue our learning goals and be "life-long learners." Personally, I am very interested in outdoor experiential learning and indigenous culture and fortunately for me, these are two areas that my school board is also focused on at the moment. So, yesterday I got up early and drove to Sutton, Ontario and boarded a little boat that shuttled me and a group of teachers to the Georgina Island First Nation. It was a brisk, bright morning and we were all abuzz, excited for the day ahead.

We were greeted by our "deep nature connection" mentors Chris, Skeet and Alexis. They are all experts in the field of outdoor education and survival. Despite their expertise they were humble and told us many times that their knowledge of outdoor survival skills, although much greater than the average person, paled in comparison with the knowledge of indigenous peoples of the past. As Chris told us, "Indigenous knowledge is knowing a tree like you know a family member, or a best friend." They spoke of how our lives are so disconnected from nature and the natural world, so much so that to many nature is nothing but an "abstract concept." Abstract. Something they do not understand. Something that is unclear.

As I participated in the activities provided for us, including identifying the uses for different plants and starting a fire using a bow drill, I thought about my own need to be constantly connected via my phone. I thought about the pictures I wanted to take of the activities and how I wanted to "tweet" about events. "Why is this so? Why can't I just enjoy the time and live the experience?" I thought to myself. Then I thought about my students at school and the constant battle it is to try and get them to ditch their phones for just a second, how they are constantly checking their updates and in contact with their friends and parents -- even throughout the school day. I thought about our school technology policy and how we are making it more lenient because taking away a child's phone is like "taking away their pencil" and they can't do anything without it.

It made me sad for myself. It made me sad for my students.

If those thoughts made me sad, the next part of the day stirred emotions in me that made me angry, outraged, devastated, yet hopeful. Shannon Crate, a member of the Chippewas of Georgina Island First Nation, greeted us with such warmth and openness. She began the afternoon with a smudge. What a beautiful ceremony. Each of us participated because a sage smudge can be done by anyone. Through the smudge we washed our hands so they would do no harm. We washed our heads and asked the Creator for an open mind and wisdom. We took it to our ears to remind us to listen carefully --- we have two ears and only one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak. We took it to our mouths so that we are reminded to speak only kind words. We took it to our eyes to see the beauty and good that is around us in this world and we took it to our feet so that we would walk in a good way. Scientifically speaking, smudging a room is known to rid it of toxins, but spiritually speaking, it is an excellent reminder to us of how we can be better people. 

Shannon was very open with us. She encouraged us to ask as many questions of her as wanted because that is the only way we can learn. She spoke a word that I've never heard before and that word was "Indigegogy." As an educator, I know about pedagogy. It is the method or practice of teaching an academic topic. It is constantly changing. Sometimes it's controversial. Sometimes it seems downright silly. It is part of the job. Indigegogy though is different. It is teaching the "Indian way" as Shannon put it, and it hasn't changed for many, many years. Before colonization, young indigenous people would learn through the stories of their elders. Their elders didn't provide answers for the questions they were asked. They told stories and it was up to the listener to find the answer to their question within the story. Indigegogy isn't hierarchical, with a teacher at the front and students sitting in row listening. It is about sitting with a group in a circle, sharing with one another. It is about going out and experiencing the land and participating in what is being learned. It seems right to me, but also foreign and difficult because I was taught a different way. 

Shannon shared many stories with us that highlighted the struggles that she has faced as a First Nations woman throughout her life. These are her stories. They aren't mine to retell here. The stories I will retell are those of the children that suffered through the residential school era -- a dark time in Canadian history. A disgusting time. A time that brings shame (or should bring shame) to all of us. She talked of the children who were snatched from their parents, leaving mothers, fathers, and communities without a heartbeat.  She talked of the children left to die of disease and starvation.  She talked of the abuses perpetrated against theses children by the people that were supposed to be caring for them. She talked of forced sterilization of young girls so they wouldn't get pregnant because of the sexual abuses they suffered. She talked of the experiments performed on these children by so-called medical doctors. She talked of the people who lost their identities through enfranchisement and who are still searching for their kin. She talked about our First Nations people being the only people in the world who have to apply to the government to have their culture accepted and legally verified. She spoke of the disproportionate number of First Nations men and women that fill our prison system and suffer from addiction. And, it's not as though I was unaware of these issues, but it's different to hear about them from a person who is connected closely to the issue while sitting on the land of the people who have suffered so much. It's just different. The tears around me told me so. 

As I got back on that boat, feeling the cool spray on my face, I reflected back on the day and the learning. There is so much work to be done in this country to rectify the injustices perpetrated against First Nations peoples. There is much learning to be done by all of us, not only in the education community, but as a whole. The door is open though. There is a ray of light shining on that dark past and we shouldn't hide from it. We should look at it in the face and accept it and then begin to change and make our country a stronger and brighter place for all of its people. I'm going to start in my classroom. Where will you begin? 

Georgina Island First Nation

Cheers,

Jackie


 

Work Hard. Play Hard: Female Entreprenuers in Contemporary Circus

I recently wrote a blog post for Circus Sessions that was featured on the Harbourfront Centre Blog. Due to word restrictions, I was unable to include all of these juicy details from both Jamie Holmes and Katelyn McCulloch. I thought I would post an extended version of the original post here. I hope you enjoy it!

Mere months ago, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, announced his first cabinet. For the first time in Canadian history, it was made up of equal numbers of men and women. When asked why, he quipped, “Because it’s 2015.” Touché, however here in Canada not all things are equal. Despite holding higher levels of education, women in Canada struggle with equity in the workplace. Women are less likely to climb the corporate ladder,  twice as likely to work part-time and make, on average, 19% less than men (1).

Entrepreneurship is one way to sidestep the gender gap in the corporate world. Jamie Holmes and Katelyn McCulloch, are successful female entrepreneurs and a part this year’s Circus Sessions. Jamie is a professional performer and instructor, co-founder of La Rouge Entertainment, an events company in Toronto, and owner of Raw Super Balls, an organic snack food company. Katelyn is a professional actress, dancer and aerialist, cofounder of No Parachute Theatre and teaches movement classes under her brand, McCulloch Movement. These busy women discuss some of the rewards and challenges of being a female entrepreneur in the circus world.

Circus Sessions: How have you managed to balance the demands on yourself to have multiple jobs?

Photo: Nick Lee

Jamie: I wouldn’t trade being self-employed for anything, but it can be overwhelming. I love what I do. I love rehearsing. I love teaching and planning recitals and tropical retreats for my students.  My relationships are also extremely important to me, so I make sure that I get at least two friend visits in each week on top of training with my friends, and make sure that I have a day with my guy.  All that being said, shows, opportunities and life things arise which is when you have to revamp it all. Scheduling and rescheduling are a big part of my life.

Photo Courtesy: Facebook

Katelyn: I am constantly reevaluating my life and what I have on the go. What has helped me is every day I ask myself: what am I doing for myself, for my relationships, and for my career?  It's not about everything being perfectly in line it's just about taking the time to acknowledge the things that are important to me and setting myself up for a balanced lifestyle.

CS: When you are “selling” yourself or members of your events business as performers, how important is it to highlight your sexuality to a potential client?

J: I feel that I personally will pitch according to watch I’m going after, if I feel that it is appropriate, and if I don’t think that it will compromise anything.

K: When I am pitching I never highlight sexuality or appearance, but rather an emphasis on style. I send people to my site where there is video and photos and let them decided if I'm what they're looking for for their event. I can't control if people perceive it as sexy, good or crap. I wouldn't be offended if a request was for a sexy act. I feel comfortable with language like that around aerial work, but if it become explicit or degrading I'd have no problem leaving.

CS: Earlier in your dance career you had some uncomfortable experiences. Do you have any advice for others as to how to avoid these types of situations, or how to respond to them if they do arise?

J: I was young and naive and really eager to work so I allowed that “want” to get in the way of my values unfortunately. I would say that no job is worth sacrificing yourself. No matter how “big and fabulous” it seems in the moment, don’t compromise yourself. My advice is to walk away if things start to get sticky. Trust your gut - it always knows.   

CS: Do you think that female entrepreneurs are well represented in the circus and/or event industry, or do you think that there is still work to be done in this area?

J: I do think that women are well represented in this industry.  Ninety percent of my friends are all well-established entrepreneurs, many of the people that I have worked with and for in the circus industry have been females and I’m working with women more than 50% of the time with my corporate events.

CS: Do you have any women that you look up to because of their experience in the industry, or because they are doing exceptional or innovative things?

J: I look up to the women in this industry that are mothers and pursuing their careers while raising kids. I look up to artists that have overcome huge adversity and move forward and express themselves through art. I look up to all of my friends who offer their brilliant opinions when needed. I know a lot of absolutely amazing women, all with unique and ever-inspiring qualities.  

K: First and foremost is Heather Kentner who owns and operates Cirque-ability and is the reason I have a career as a circus artist. She inspires me every day with her ability to run a successful business while being a mom and amazing friend. Brandy Leary for always questioning and seeing the bigger picture. Angola Murdoch who is a circus mama in so many ways and always has a look out for my safety and offering advice on coaching and performing. Holly Treddenick who creates unique opportunities for emerging and professional artists to develop.

CS: Finally, what would you say to young women who might be interested in joining the contemporary circus world as an entrepreneur?

J: It’s a fantastic world filled with strong, brilliant people with fantastic ideas. There are so many different and empowering avenues to pursue. It’s hard work, but it’s immensely rewarding and worth it. Do it!

K: Be humble, ask questions and be true to you. There are so many different paths to take in circus, whether it's recreational, coaching, performing corporate work, creating your own show, fusing together aerial and something else, being an agent or co ordinator. To figure it out, take class, go to people's shows, be a part of community events, seek out mentors, take people for coffee and ask questions. It will help you discover your own artistic practice.

1. Closing the Gender Gap - Canada https://www.oecd.org/canada/Closing%20The%20Gender%20Gap%20-%20Canada%20FINAL.pdf

When Motherhood and Circus Meet

Photo courtesy of Holly Treddenick

I have been writing about women, feminism and circus as part of the upcoming Circus Sessions. This is the unedited version of the latest blog that you can find on the Harbourfront Centre website. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to Holly Treddenick for this great opportunity!

Motherhood is a rewarding time in a woman’s life, but it comes with many challenges. When you’re a mother and your job description includes flying high above the crowd performing trapeze or aerial silks, walking tall on stilts, clowning and acrobatics, you are presented with a unique set challenges only a circus mother could understand.

Pregnancy poses physical changes for all women. When you are a circus performer, a changing body and growing baby can certainly create new challenges, but this doesn’t mean an abrupt end to performing. “[During] my first pregnancy, I kept on doing trapèze until the end of my seventh month, because I was in very good shape and I needed to keep on doing things that were part of my life and meaningful to me, such as performing in our circus show,” said Adèll Nodé-Langois, who is a clown and this year’s Circus Sessions mentor. Although some audience members were shocked to see a pregnant trapeze artist, she says others found it very beautiful and deeply moving.

Other performers do opt to stop performing during pregnancy. “As a circus artist there was of course the danger element. I needed to stop all risky activity in order to prevent harm to the baby....I was 4 months pregnant before I stopped walking on stilts. I did however stop all aerials work and stuck purely to my conditioning,” said Vanessa Furlong, singer, stilt-walker, acrobat and mother to a 2.5 year old little boy and one of this year’s participants.

Each woman I spoke with had a different experience throughout her pregnancy or pregnancies. One notable commonality was that their doctors all seemed to support them as performers and athletes. “My husband is an Ob/Gyn and he was pretty relaxed... I think his opinion was the more active a pregnant woman is, the easier her pregnancy will be,” said Rachelle Elie, who is a comedian, clown and artist. This seemed to be a common sentiment. “I had a midwife and she was pretty cool about it. She thought I should definitely keep training, at least light training, because that's what my body was used to,” according to Angola Murdoch, a participant in the inaugural Circus Sessions.

The need to bounce back and be ready physically and mentally to perform is important for circus professionals, because they depend on their bodies to make a living and support their families. Angola’s daughter, Luella, was born in September 2014, and was only 8 months old when mom participated in Circus Sessions last year. “Definitely my body is slower, my muscles remember what to do, but they aren't on the same page as my brain. It also has to do with the fact that I don't sleep for long periods of time anymore,” Angola says.  Circumstances also affect the time it takes for an artist to regain that physical strength. An emergency C-section meant Vanessa had an extended recovery time and needed to be patient with her body to ensure it was properly healed before getting back on her stilts or trapeze. A second pregnancy also presents new challenges. “[My] second took a lot more time physically to feel strong like I did pre-pregnancy. [It] was much tougher because I had to chase around a 2 year old and also child care was complicated,” said Rachelle.

While sometimes the physical shift of pregnancy can be complicated, emotionally and mentally, being a mother can add a whole new dimension to an artist’s work.  “Emotionally I'm finding myself wanting to express myself differently in my creations. I'm driven more by emotion,” said Angola.  A new mental strength and clarity can also come from a pregnancy. “I felt very strong mentally and emotionally during my pregnancy and I felt like I had some major breakthroughs as a performer pregnant. I felt grounded and also didn't waste time with things I didn't want to do,” added Rachelle.

Like many mothers returning to work, guilt affects how these mothers moved forward in their careers. “I had to set aside the new feelings of guilt in pursuing my passion rather than being at home with him,” said Vanessa of her choice to go back to training when her son was a baby. Others have made their sacrifices when their children are older. Dana Dugan, a trapeze artist and one of the founding members of the Chicago Contemporary Circus Festival, has two children, 16 year-old Audrey and 14 year-old Noah. Three years ago, Dana decided to move from her native California to Chicago, Illinois, to pursue her dreams.  Up until the very last minute, her two kids were going to move to Chicago with her, but then changed their minds and decided to stay in California with their father. With tears in her voice, she says of her decision’s effect on her children, “They have a much happier mother because I am doing what I want to do, as opposed to the mother who sat in traffic for 1.5 hours every day to do a job I hated. Doing what is best for me is what is best for my family. I still sometimes wrestle with that guilt.” Dana, who says she has struggled with depression over her choice to relocate, is also angry about the judgement that comes along with tough decisions like hers. “I can’t even go back to San Pedro because people think I abandoned my children to follow my dream. I left so I could work in a place that was within my means. Men do this all the time. Families do this all the time. But because I am a woman, an artist and I do circus, I am looked at differently. I had to go though, or I would be living on the street.”  

For the most part, family and circus fit well together and the women I spoke to have strong support systems that have helped them follow their passions. Adèll’s daughter, Ellie, was born in her circus trailer and raised in the show. Now 18 years old, she is an artist who wants to pursue politics in post-secondary school. Vanessa’s son already loves circus, and has been involved in infant classes at her circus school. It must come naturally because he’s been with mom since the beginning. “My partner and I found a way to compromise at first. He brought my lil guy to my practices and they watched from the gallery upstairs. When I heard the hunger cry, I ran upstairs, breast fed, and ran back down to finish my training. It felt really good to introduce my family to my circus family and vice versa,” she says. Luella, Angola’s daughter, has a blossoming career of her own even though she is only 1.5 years old. “She has even choreographed a short act on the bottom bar of my tight wire. She practiced over 30 times and then another circus friend came over to visit and she showed her the act and took a big bow at the end. This showed me she has been watching this whole time and also this is what she thinks normal kids do,” says Angola. Dana feels that the circus is one reason her children are the amazing people they are today. “My kids would just go with the flow [because of my training]. The fact that they have had to just roll with it means that they have become so well-adjusted. They are polite, they are smart, well-mannered. They will talk to anyone. The circus in general has a family feel. The kids are always welcomed and treated well,” she says.  And of course, the kids are some of mom’s biggest fans. “I love that my mom is a comedian, and the fact that she uses comedy on and off stage to always cheer us up and lighten our spirits. It is also a cool job according to my friends, so that is another advantage. And now that I am 14, I can see my mom's shows and enjoy them. She is quite the comedian!” says Dante, Rachelle’s son. Of course, mom, Rachelle, is over the moon, “It warms my heart that my son [said] that! So, so sweet.”

Being a mom is not an easy job. Being a circus professional is not an easy job. These women are up to the task though. They are inspirational reminders that women can pursue their dreams and passions and be amazing mothers at the same time.  

How I've Been Dealing with Chronic Pain ~ Naturally

I have some of the best friends! I know that we all say these things, but I seriously, I have the best friends! I am eternally grateful that they are always happy to share their knowledge, their talents and time with me.

My amazing friend, Jackie McCaffrey is a talented performer and knowledgeable holistic nutritionist. Her website is a plethora a knowledge and I highly recommend you visit her blog to get some amazing recipes. While she is away enjoy a well-deserved aerial/yoga retreat in sunny Costa Rica, she invited me to contribute to her blog. This is what I wrote. I hope you enjoy the read, learn a little bit, leave a comment and start following Jackie immediately!

Cheers,

Jackie

What Am I Doing Wrong? and Other Important Questions

Do you ever sit and ask yourself, "What am I doing wrong?" I ask myself this question ALL the time, yet I never seem to get the answer that I'm looking for back. At these moments, I question every single decision that I've ever made in my life. Notably, they are all the wrong decisions.

Two weeks ago, I was driving to work and a van kicked a stone up and cracked my windshield. This meant an unexpected repair and an unexpected cost. I had it fixed over the weekend, paid the price and thought I was done with it. Nope. Turns out, the people that put in the new windshield messed something up (that's official car lingo, ya know) and now it sounds like a swarm of bees lives in my car if I'm driving over 75 km/h. I'm only guessing, but there's some broken or loose piece of plastic vibrating against my new windshield somewhere. I called the place where I got it fixed and of course they treated me like an idiot and ensured me that they had installed the part correctly and they couldn't do anything about it.

Why did I tell this boring car story? Well, on this day, this event is what set off my mood and made me question my whole existence. How? Simply because my car has to get me to work every day. If that doesn't make any sense to you (because you're a sane and normal person), let me walk you through my neurotic mindset.

1. Something went wrong. I got it fixed. The fix didn't work. I tried to remedy that. I didn't get the response I wanted. I now hate my car because it is an unwanted expense and source of frustration.

2. Once my car becomes a source of frustration, I then deflect that onto my job. If I didn't have this job that was so far away from my home, I wouldn't need a car. If I didn't need a car think about how much extra money I would have right now.

3. Wait, why don't I have more money? I make a good salary. I don't have children to support. I don't have a big mortgage or tonnes of debt. Where does all my money go?

4. What am I doing wrong? Why do all of my friends/family/strangers on the street have it so much better than me? Everyone lives in a nice house that they OWN. How can they afford that? Everyone gets to go on fancy vacations to exotic places around the world. Why do I have to skrimp and save just to go away for a few days in the summer? [**Note: In reality, I know that not everyone has it better than me**]

5. My job is an endless source of frustration and I thought I only did it for the financial security, but I don't have all of the things that I want. Why do I keep doing it? Everyone I know loves their job or, they're doing something important or meaningful. Why can't I do something that I love? [**Note: I know that not everyone loves their job**]

6. Wait, what do I love? What are my goals? I don't have any because I'm just trying to get through the day. I'm stuck.

The sixth statement is the one that has been bothering me the most lately. Friends, family and my therapist have all approached me with some form of this question... If you're not happy, what are your goals for the future? How are you going to make a change? I always answer the same way... Right now, I'm just so overwhelmed by my job, my goal is simply to get to the end of the day. When I walk into my classroom at 8:00 a.m., my goal for the future is to get to 3:40 p.m. without any sort of major incident.

How do I get beyond this feeling? How do I put aside my present to think about a better future? How do I find my passion? I've read about this. I've talked about this. I've thought about this. I don't have an answer that works right now. If you've made a big change in your life, what inspired you? What steps did you take to get you from the place you were to the place you wanted to be? What were your biggest challenges? How did you feel throughout the process? Are you happier now and was it all worth it? I hope that if I see, hear and understand the process, I'll be able to take steps to start it for myself. And hey, it never hurts to ask!

Cheers,

Jackie