Getting Past the September Slump

September is an exhausting month for me and thankfully it is almost over.  I spend July and August as a (mostly) free spirit. I get up when I want. I eat when I want. I spend time with myself doing what I want with few responsibilities. And then it's September and everything changes.

September brings early mornings and long commutes in traffic. September brings meal planning and prepping and regimented times to eat and go to the bathroom. Most of all, September means that I need to shift my mental focus away from myself and towards the young people that I am responsible for inspiring on a daily basis.

Please don't read this and think that I'm complaining about my vacation time, or the fact that I'm back to work. I'm not. However, the other day I was feeling down and pretty uninspired and I had to wonder, why? Teachers have always been sensitive to the fact that some children have a difficult time transitioning back into the routine of school days however I had never really reflected on my own feelings during this time.

At the moment, my creativity is being used to plan engaging lessons for my students. I am building relationships with 28 new people. Each one of them is different. Each one of them has expectations of me. Some come to school with bad feelings about their previous teachers or experiences in education. Some come with a set of challenges that I need to learn, understand, work with, and carefully balance. I am trying to hook them for the year and I don't have very many opportunities to create that hook. It's not easy and the stress is real!

All of those carefree things I was doing in the summer have been put on the back burner. I'm tired, so going out to hula hoop seems like work. I'm still trying to recover my strength after an injury, so training aerial silks feels frustrating. I've spent the day writing lesson plans, so staring at a computer trying to generate ideas to share in a blog post doesn't seem like fun, and I feel like I don't really have anything interesting to say anyways. With all of that negativity taking up space in my brain, no wonder I was feeling badly! 

Luckily for me, the universe saw that I was in need and presented a few perfect solutions for my melancholy. First, my amazing aerial instructor is planning a student showcase for November. Choreographing an act and working towards this showcase is just what I need to get my personal creative juices flowing! I am often motivated by working towards a goal and for me creating a new routine is a wonderful challenge. I was also fortunate enough to experience circus performers from around the world put on amazing and thought-provoking shows during the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this summer, so I'm happy to say that I have more than enough inspiration to draw on for this performance. It will be my first performance after my injury, so I am trying to be kind to myself, but I'm quite excited to get back on stage!

I am also in the midst of fostering some new writing ideas, also for the circus world. I have been networking with other writers, discussing how we can foster the circus writing community, and make it a sustainable way for performers and writers to make a living wage. I spent part of my summer working with circus writer/reviewer extraordinaire Katherine Kavanaugh, founder of the online circus website, Circus Diaries. With her support, I realised this summer that my writing voice is appreciated and it is needed. I want to promote the outstanding work that is being created here in Toronto, Ontario. I want to bring it to an audience outside of the immediate community.  I have reached out to organizations and received media accreditation so that I can review shows when they are playing here and build audiences for circus productions outside of the world of Cirque du Soliel. The hope is that with a wider audience,  more international shows will make Toronto a stop on their tours.

Self-reflection is a pretty amazing thing. Having spent the time to think about what bothers me and then creating a plan to get past those feelings has helped me to make it over my September Slump. Whatever you do to get past your slumps, be it writing, performing, painting, or yodeling, just be sure to carve out some time for yourself and do it! If you're feeling uninspired, reach out to your community and find inspiration in what others are doing. Challenge yourself to try something new-to-you. If you're still feeling meh then have a nap and try again in the morning! Just don't quit trying, OK?!                                                             

Cheers! Jackie

Work Hard. Play Hard: Female Entreprenuers in Contemporary Circus

I recently wrote a blog post for Circus Sessions that was featured on the Harbourfront Centre Blog. Due to word restrictions, I was unable to include all of these juicy details from both Jamie Holmes and Katelyn McCulloch. I thought I would post an extended version of the original post here. I hope you enjoy it!

Mere months ago, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, announced his first cabinet. For the first time in Canadian history, it was made up of equal numbers of men and women. When asked why, he quipped, “Because it’s 2015.” Touché, however here in Canada not all things are equal. Despite holding higher levels of education, women in Canada struggle with equity in the workplace. Women are less likely to climb the corporate ladder,  twice as likely to work part-time and make, on average, 19% less than men (1).

Entrepreneurship is one way to sidestep the gender gap in the corporate world. Jamie Holmes and Katelyn McCulloch, are successful female entrepreneurs and a part this year’s Circus Sessions. Jamie is a professional performer and instructor, co-founder of La Rouge Entertainment, an events company in Toronto, and owner of Raw Super Balls, an organic snack food company. Katelyn is a professional actress, dancer and aerialist, cofounder of No Parachute Theatre and teaches movement classes under her brand, McCulloch Movement. These busy women discuss some of the rewards and challenges of being a female entrepreneur in the circus world.

Circus Sessions: How have you managed to balance the demands on yourself to have multiple jobs?

Photo: Nick Lee

Jamie: I wouldn’t trade being self-employed for anything, but it can be overwhelming. I love what I do. I love rehearsing. I love teaching and planning recitals and tropical retreats for my students.  My relationships are also extremely important to me, so I make sure that I get at least two friend visits in each week on top of training with my friends, and make sure that I have a day with my guy.  All that being said, shows, opportunities and life things arise which is when you have to revamp it all. Scheduling and rescheduling are a big part of my life.

Photo Courtesy: Facebook

Katelyn: I am constantly reevaluating my life and what I have on the go. What has helped me is every day I ask myself: what am I doing for myself, for my relationships, and for my career?  It's not about everything being perfectly in line it's just about taking the time to acknowledge the things that are important to me and setting myself up for a balanced lifestyle.

CS: When you are “selling” yourself or members of your events business as performers, how important is it to highlight your sexuality to a potential client?

J: I feel that I personally will pitch according to watch I’m going after, if I feel that it is appropriate, and if I don’t think that it will compromise anything.

K: When I am pitching I never highlight sexuality or appearance, but rather an emphasis on style. I send people to my site where there is video and photos and let them decided if I'm what they're looking for for their event. I can't control if people perceive it as sexy, good or crap. I wouldn't be offended if a request was for a sexy act. I feel comfortable with language like that around aerial work, but if it become explicit or degrading I'd have no problem leaving.

CS: Earlier in your dance career you had some uncomfortable experiences. Do you have any advice for others as to how to avoid these types of situations, or how to respond to them if they do arise?

J: I was young and naive and really eager to work so I allowed that “want” to get in the way of my values unfortunately. I would say that no job is worth sacrificing yourself. No matter how “big and fabulous” it seems in the moment, don’t compromise yourself. My advice is to walk away if things start to get sticky. Trust your gut - it always knows.   

CS: Do you think that female entrepreneurs are well represented in the circus and/or event industry, or do you think that there is still work to be done in this area?

J: I do think that women are well represented in this industry.  Ninety percent of my friends are all well-established entrepreneurs, many of the people that I have worked with and for in the circus industry have been females and I’m working with women more than 50% of the time with my corporate events.

CS: Do you have any women that you look up to because of their experience in the industry, or because they are doing exceptional or innovative things?

J: I look up to the women in this industry that are mothers and pursuing their careers while raising kids. I look up to artists that have overcome huge adversity and move forward and express themselves through art. I look up to all of my friends who offer their brilliant opinions when needed. I know a lot of absolutely amazing women, all with unique and ever-inspiring qualities.  

K: First and foremost is Heather Kentner who owns and operates Cirque-ability and is the reason I have a career as a circus artist. She inspires me every day with her ability to run a successful business while being a mom and amazing friend. Brandy Leary for always questioning and seeing the bigger picture. Angola Murdoch who is a circus mama in so many ways and always has a look out for my safety and offering advice on coaching and performing. Holly Treddenick who creates unique opportunities for emerging and professional artists to develop.

CS: Finally, what would you say to young women who might be interested in joining the contemporary circus world as an entrepreneur?

J: It’s a fantastic world filled with strong, brilliant people with fantastic ideas. There are so many different and empowering avenues to pursue. It’s hard work, but it’s immensely rewarding and worth it. Do it!

K: Be humble, ask questions and be true to you. There are so many different paths to take in circus, whether it's recreational, coaching, performing corporate work, creating your own show, fusing together aerial and something else, being an agent or co ordinator. To figure it out, take class, go to people's shows, be a part of community events, seek out mentors, take people for coffee and ask questions. It will help you discover your own artistic practice.

1. Closing the Gender Gap - Canada https://www.oecd.org/canada/Closing%20The%20Gender%20Gap%20-%20Canada%20FINAL.pdf

When Motherhood and Circus Meet

Photo courtesy of Holly Treddenick

I have been writing about women, feminism and circus as part of the upcoming Circus Sessions. This is the unedited version of the latest blog that you can find on the Harbourfront Centre website. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to Holly Treddenick for this great opportunity!

Motherhood is a rewarding time in a woman’s life, but it comes with many challenges. When you’re a mother and your job description includes flying high above the crowd performing trapeze or aerial silks, walking tall on stilts, clowning and acrobatics, you are presented with a unique set challenges only a circus mother could understand.

Pregnancy poses physical changes for all women. When you are a circus performer, a changing body and growing baby can certainly create new challenges, but this doesn’t mean an abrupt end to performing. “[During] my first pregnancy, I kept on doing trapèze until the end of my seventh month, because I was in very good shape and I needed to keep on doing things that were part of my life and meaningful to me, such as performing in our circus show,” said Adèll Nodé-Langois, who is a clown and this year’s Circus Sessions mentor. Although some audience members were shocked to see a pregnant trapeze artist, she says others found it very beautiful and deeply moving.

Other performers do opt to stop performing during pregnancy. “As a circus artist there was of course the danger element. I needed to stop all risky activity in order to prevent harm to the baby....I was 4 months pregnant before I stopped walking on stilts. I did however stop all aerials work and stuck purely to my conditioning,” said Vanessa Furlong, singer, stilt-walker, acrobat and mother to a 2.5 year old little boy and one of this year’s participants.

Each woman I spoke with had a different experience throughout her pregnancy or pregnancies. One notable commonality was that their doctors all seemed to support them as performers and athletes. “My husband is an Ob/Gyn and he was pretty relaxed... I think his opinion was the more active a pregnant woman is, the easier her pregnancy will be,” said Rachelle Elie, who is a comedian, clown and artist. This seemed to be a common sentiment. “I had a midwife and she was pretty cool about it. She thought I should definitely keep training, at least light training, because that's what my body was used to,” according to Angola Murdoch, a participant in the inaugural Circus Sessions.

The need to bounce back and be ready physically and mentally to perform is important for circus professionals, because they depend on their bodies to make a living and support their families. Angola’s daughter, Luella, was born in September 2014, and was only 8 months old when mom participated in Circus Sessions last year. “Definitely my body is slower, my muscles remember what to do, but they aren't on the same page as my brain. It also has to do with the fact that I don't sleep for long periods of time anymore,” Angola says.  Circumstances also affect the time it takes for an artist to regain that physical strength. An emergency C-section meant Vanessa had an extended recovery time and needed to be patient with her body to ensure it was properly healed before getting back on her stilts or trapeze. A second pregnancy also presents new challenges. “[My] second took a lot more time physically to feel strong like I did pre-pregnancy. [It] was much tougher because I had to chase around a 2 year old and also child care was complicated,” said Rachelle.

While sometimes the physical shift of pregnancy can be complicated, emotionally and mentally, being a mother can add a whole new dimension to an artist’s work.  “Emotionally I'm finding myself wanting to express myself differently in my creations. I'm driven more by emotion,” said Angola.  A new mental strength and clarity can also come from a pregnancy. “I felt very strong mentally and emotionally during my pregnancy and I felt like I had some major breakthroughs as a performer pregnant. I felt grounded and also didn't waste time with things I didn't want to do,” added Rachelle.

Like many mothers returning to work, guilt affects how these mothers moved forward in their careers. “I had to set aside the new feelings of guilt in pursuing my passion rather than being at home with him,” said Vanessa of her choice to go back to training when her son was a baby. Others have made their sacrifices when their children are older. Dana Dugan, a trapeze artist and one of the founding members of the Chicago Contemporary Circus Festival, has two children, 16 year-old Audrey and 14 year-old Noah. Three years ago, Dana decided to move from her native California to Chicago, Illinois, to pursue her dreams.  Up until the very last minute, her two kids were going to move to Chicago with her, but then changed their minds and decided to stay in California with their father. With tears in her voice, she says of her decision’s effect on her children, “They have a much happier mother because I am doing what I want to do, as opposed to the mother who sat in traffic for 1.5 hours every day to do a job I hated. Doing what is best for me is what is best for my family. I still sometimes wrestle with that guilt.” Dana, who says she has struggled with depression over her choice to relocate, is also angry about the judgement that comes along with tough decisions like hers. “I can’t even go back to San Pedro because people think I abandoned my children to follow my dream. I left so I could work in a place that was within my means. Men do this all the time. Families do this all the time. But because I am a woman, an artist and I do circus, I am looked at differently. I had to go though, or I would be living on the street.”  

For the most part, family and circus fit well together and the women I spoke to have strong support systems that have helped them follow their passions. Adèll’s daughter, Ellie, was born in her circus trailer and raised in the show. Now 18 years old, she is an artist who wants to pursue politics in post-secondary school. Vanessa’s son already loves circus, and has been involved in infant classes at her circus school. It must come naturally because he’s been with mom since the beginning. “My partner and I found a way to compromise at first. He brought my lil guy to my practices and they watched from the gallery upstairs. When I heard the hunger cry, I ran upstairs, breast fed, and ran back down to finish my training. It felt really good to introduce my family to my circus family and vice versa,” she says. Luella, Angola’s daughter, has a blossoming career of her own even though she is only 1.5 years old. “She has even choreographed a short act on the bottom bar of my tight wire. She practiced over 30 times and then another circus friend came over to visit and she showed her the act and took a big bow at the end. This showed me she has been watching this whole time and also this is what she thinks normal kids do,” says Angola. Dana feels that the circus is one reason her children are the amazing people they are today. “My kids would just go with the flow [because of my training]. The fact that they have had to just roll with it means that they have become so well-adjusted. They are polite, they are smart, well-mannered. They will talk to anyone. The circus in general has a family feel. The kids are always welcomed and treated well,” she says.  And of course, the kids are some of mom’s biggest fans. “I love that my mom is a comedian, and the fact that she uses comedy on and off stage to always cheer us up and lighten our spirits. It is also a cool job according to my friends, so that is another advantage. And now that I am 14, I can see my mom's shows and enjoy them. She is quite the comedian!” says Dante, Rachelle’s son. Of course, mom, Rachelle, is over the moon, “It warms my heart that my son [said] that! So, so sweet.”

Being a mom is not an easy job. Being a circus professional is not an easy job. These women are up to the task though. They are inspirational reminders that women can pursue their dreams and passions and be amazing mothers at the same time.  

Moonlighting (Again) for Circus Sessions

While my day consisted of marking math tests, trying desperately to get some 12 year old children to be socially-aware citizens of the world, and asking a student if he had to poop because his tummy hurt, some of the best people I know began a week of circus-y exploration and collaboration. I'm super-duper jealous because Circus Sessions began today!

While I may not be in the mix or in the air, I have been involved in Circus Sessions in my own way. I've now written two blog posts for Circus Sessions, profiling two of the collaborators and genres of circus that will be focused on during the week. My first post, featuring artist Greg Tarlin and the art of object manipulation, was published on April 9, 2015, and be found here. My most recent post was published today and featured artist Zita Nyarady and the art of clowning. It can be found here.

When Holly Treddenick, one of the co-directors of Circus Sessions, sent out the call on facebook for writers, I jumped at the chance to write about circus. My first degree is in Journalism, but I don't often find (or seek) the opportunity to get my work published anywhere but here on my own blog. To be honest, I had hoped that I would get to write about aerial, but I'm happy that I didn't get that chance. I've learned so much more by writing about two art forms that I didn't know or understand well previously!

I'm taking a few days off from training this week to rest a tweaky neck/shoulder/arm. I need to be in tip top shape for all of the fun circus adventures that are coming up in the next couple of months! I wish all of the artists taking part in Circus Sessions a great week. I'm looking forward to seeing what you all come up with for your final collaboration performance this Friday night!

Photo Credit: Circus Session Facebook page

Cheers,
Jackie

Moonlighting for Circus Sessions

Hey all... Just a brief repost of a blog I wrote for the Circus Sessions happening at Harbourfront Centre May 11-17, 2015. Greg, my muse, was super-cool and has mad skills. Check him out and check out my blog!

Don't Drop the Ball: Object Manipulation

Let's Be Awesome This Year!

This past month has been a blur as is often the case when the holiday season is upon us. Many nights I would tell myself to sit down and write something, but it just never happened. I am not going to beat myself up over it though. I was living life and not just writing about it!

Many people have been reminiscing, looking back and reflecting on 2014. Lists are big at this time of year. Here is my 2014 end-of-year list:

Most Memorable Moments

 (not necessarily in any particular order of importance!)

5. Moving On

This year I moved, literally. After living with many shortcomings and frustrations, we decided to move into a new apartment. Our new place is not perfect, but it is miles ahead of where we were. I also moved on to a new job. Not a new career, but a new job at a new school, teaching a new grade. While neither move has been perfect and I didn't necessarily find the changes I was looking for in these new situations, I am happy that I made the choice to try something new. Being stagnant, refusing to take risks and living with what makes you unhappy is not the way to live. If you don't try to change, you will never know what you are missing!

4. Jay and Jackie's Slipknot Date... Finally

If you know Jay and I, you know that we met in an interesting way. Back in 2001, I was desperate to find a driving buddy that would be willing to take on a 10-hour trek to Chicago to see The Pledge of Allegiance Tour with me. It seemed at the time that no one loved Slipknot, System of a Down, and Mudvayne quite as much as I did! Finally, a friend at work gave me a phone number and I called and spoke to Jay for the first time. He was hesitant to go. We didn't know each other and he was pretty broke at the time. I talked him into it though and we were ready to go when 9/11 went down. The concert was cancelled, but our relationship was not! Thirteen years later, we finally saw the 'Knot for the first time together. I was pretty epic and special and weird. I'm happy I am writing about it "Before I Forget"! Get it?!

November 20, 2014 - Slipknot at the ACC. It must be love!

3. The Injury

Ugh! Not all memorable moments can be good! This year I was grounded by a crappy injury that probably actually occurred in 2013. I wouldn't admit I was injured though, so nothing was really done about it until 2014. What did I learn from this injury? Well, I learned to listen to my body. If something hurts, like hurt-hurts, don't ignore it. It might not just "go way" and you can't always "play through the pain." I also learned not to give up. I was devastated when I couldn't train. I got depressed. I thought I was never going to bounce back. I did though. I had a lot of support. I started small. My amazing instructor modified conditioning for me. She watched what I was doing and made corrections so I wouldn't aggravate or cause new injury. I learned these tricks and I focus on form much more now than I ever did in the past. I helped a friend perform in her showcase. Then, I was ready to perform a short piece of my own. I came back! I am getting stronger. But, I am also aware now. So, what was bad, turned out to be a good thing!

2. Nuit Blanche and Cascade

This was my very first public performance. It was my very first paid gig. It was amazing! You've seen the pictures. I've gushed about how amazing it was, but did I mention it was one of the Top 5 Dance Shows of 2014 according to Now Magazine writer, Kathleen Smith? No? Well, it was! I won't bore you with all of the details again though. But, it was so inspirational! Since Cascade, I have applied for other opportunities to perform publicly. I've participated in events like CCAFT to learn and extend my knowledge and understanding of the world of circus. I will be writing a blog post for the upcoming Circus Sessions held at Habourfront Centre. I am hoping this is just the beginning for me and I will surely be expanding my circus repertoire in 2015!

Cascade at Nuit Blanche 2014 - That's me up there!

1. The Year of the Baby

So many beautiful babies came into my life this year! I have a new niece, born to Jay's brother and sister-in-law in September. Izzy is a beautiful and happy little girl. We had the chance to babysit the little angel in September and even though it wasn't always smooth, we had a great evening spending time with her and getting to know her better. Then, T got a new baby brother! Austin was born to my sister and brother-in-law in November. It's been interesting balancing visits with the family now. Teya is very active and loves to play with her Auntie and Uncle, but it's also fun to get in some snuggle time baby Austin. He is very smooshie and loves to curl into you and sleep and sleep. Being the first boy in the family, I have made a few diaper change errors that have resulted in people getting peed on! Whoops. I'll learn. Finally, Christmas Day brought the best gift of all to a friend and her partner - a new bundle of joy. I haven't met him yet, but I am really looking forward to snuggling this little guy too!

Baby Austin and Auntie Jackie

While I am not sure if motherhood is in the cards for me, I am always in awe of how a baby changes a family and brings so much joy and happiness to the lives that he or she touches.

Honourable Mention

Well, I started this blog this year. It's been pretty great! I love all of the feedback that I get from friends. I have learned that sharing my journey can help others. I have learned that it's not a bad thing to be vulnerable and ask for help. People are willing to help! Whether it's the messages I have received or the advice I have been given, I appreciate it all and look forward to another year of sharing with and learning from all of the amazing people in my life!

I also got to spend more time with my favourite niece! T and I are best of buddies. She loves playing circus with me and dancing crazy dances. She loves coming up and spending the weekend at our place. I love seeing her grow up! I love seeing her and Jay play together. I hope upon hope that our bond gets stronger as the years go on and I don't turn into her boring old aunt! 

And of course, it is time to make some New Year's Resolutions!

1. I resolve to be less materialistic. I am going to refrain from purchasing new clothes and instead get further into clothing recycling. I can sell/trade items that I am not using any more and buy from resale/consignment shops. I guess I will by my underwear new!

2. I resolve to eat vegetarian more often. I already do a pretty good job of this, but I would like to eat completely veggie at least 2 days a week.

3. Hug more! I am not a touchy-feely person, but I'd like to be, so I resolve to hug more people and do so more often! Spread the love :)

4.  I resolve to stretch more often and condition with more vigor! The two go hand-in-hand. If I condition more vigorously, then I need to stretch more often, right?! So, here's to a year of skin-the-cat, windshield wipers, leg lifts, pull-ups and happy, flexy muscles!

There's more - business ideas, relationship plans, spending time with friends, finding a better work-life balance. I know there's more, but I don't want to over-extend myself! So, I'll leave it at that for now.

Happy New Year everyone. I wish you all of the love, happiness, hope and glitter that a new year offers. Let's not waste it. Let's be awesome!

Cheers, Jackie