Let's Be Awesome This Year!

This past month has been a blur as is often the case when the holiday season is upon us. Many nights I would tell myself to sit down and write something, but it just never happened. I am not going to beat myself up over it though. I was living life and not just writing about it!

Many people have been reminiscing, looking back and reflecting on 2014. Lists are big at this time of year. Here is my 2014 end-of-year list:

Most Memorable Moments

 (not necessarily in any particular order of importance!)

5. Moving On

This year I moved, literally. After living with many shortcomings and frustrations, we decided to move into a new apartment. Our new place is not perfect, but it is miles ahead of where we were. I also moved on to a new job. Not a new career, but a new job at a new school, teaching a new grade. While neither move has been perfect and I didn't necessarily find the changes I was looking for in these new situations, I am happy that I made the choice to try something new. Being stagnant, refusing to take risks and living with what makes you unhappy is not the way to live. If you don't try to change, you will never know what you are missing!

4. Jay and Jackie's Slipknot Date... Finally

If you know Jay and I, you know that we met in an interesting way. Back in 2001, I was desperate to find a driving buddy that would be willing to take on a 10-hour trek to Chicago to see The Pledge of Allegiance Tour with me. It seemed at the time that no one loved Slipknot, System of a Down, and Mudvayne quite as much as I did! Finally, a friend at work gave me a phone number and I called and spoke to Jay for the first time. He was hesitant to go. We didn't know each other and he was pretty broke at the time. I talked him into it though and we were ready to go when 9/11 went down. The concert was cancelled, but our relationship was not! Thirteen years later, we finally saw the 'Knot for the first time together. I was pretty epic and special and weird. I'm happy I am writing about it "Before I Forget"! Get it?!

November 20, 2014 - Slipknot at the ACC. It must be love!

3. The Injury

Ugh! Not all memorable moments can be good! This year I was grounded by a crappy injury that probably actually occurred in 2013. I wouldn't admit I was injured though, so nothing was really done about it until 2014. What did I learn from this injury? Well, I learned to listen to my body. If something hurts, like hurt-hurts, don't ignore it. It might not just "go way" and you can't always "play through the pain." I also learned not to give up. I was devastated when I couldn't train. I got depressed. I thought I was never going to bounce back. I did though. I had a lot of support. I started small. My amazing instructor modified conditioning for me. She watched what I was doing and made corrections so I wouldn't aggravate or cause new injury. I learned these tricks and I focus on form much more now than I ever did in the past. I helped a friend perform in her showcase. Then, I was ready to perform a short piece of my own. I came back! I am getting stronger. But, I am also aware now. So, what was bad, turned out to be a good thing!

2. Nuit Blanche and Cascade

This was my very first public performance. It was my very first paid gig. It was amazing! You've seen the pictures. I've gushed about how amazing it was, but did I mention it was one of the Top 5 Dance Shows of 2014 according to Now Magazine writer, Kathleen Smith? No? Well, it was! I won't bore you with all of the details again though. But, it was so inspirational! Since Cascade, I have applied for other opportunities to perform publicly. I've participated in events like CCAFT to learn and extend my knowledge and understanding of the world of circus. I will be writing a blog post for the upcoming Circus Sessions held at Habourfront Centre. I am hoping this is just the beginning for me and I will surely be expanding my circus repertoire in 2015!

Cascade at Nuit Blanche 2014 - That's me up there!

1. The Year of the Baby

So many beautiful babies came into my life this year! I have a new niece, born to Jay's brother and sister-in-law in September. Izzy is a beautiful and happy little girl. We had the chance to babysit the little angel in September and even though it wasn't always smooth, we had a great evening spending time with her and getting to know her better. Then, T got a new baby brother! Austin was born to my sister and brother-in-law in November. It's been interesting balancing visits with the family now. Teya is very active and loves to play with her Auntie and Uncle, but it's also fun to get in some snuggle time baby Austin. He is very smooshie and loves to curl into you and sleep and sleep. Being the first boy in the family, I have made a few diaper change errors that have resulted in people getting peed on! Whoops. I'll learn. Finally, Christmas Day brought the best gift of all to a friend and her partner - a new bundle of joy. I haven't met him yet, but I am really looking forward to snuggling this little guy too!

Baby Austin and Auntie Jackie

While I am not sure if motherhood is in the cards for me, I am always in awe of how a baby changes a family and brings so much joy and happiness to the lives that he or she touches.

Honourable Mention

Well, I started this blog this year. It's been pretty great! I love all of the feedback that I get from friends. I have learned that sharing my journey can help others. I have learned that it's not a bad thing to be vulnerable and ask for help. People are willing to help! Whether it's the messages I have received or the advice I have been given, I appreciate it all and look forward to another year of sharing with and learning from all of the amazing people in my life!

I also got to spend more time with my favourite niece! T and I are best of buddies. She loves playing circus with me and dancing crazy dances. She loves coming up and spending the weekend at our place. I love seeing her grow up! I love seeing her and Jay play together. I hope upon hope that our bond gets stronger as the years go on and I don't turn into her boring old aunt! 

And of course, it is time to make some New Year's Resolutions!

1. I resolve to be less materialistic. I am going to refrain from purchasing new clothes and instead get further into clothing recycling. I can sell/trade items that I am not using any more and buy from resale/consignment shops. I guess I will by my underwear new!

2. I resolve to eat vegetarian more often. I already do a pretty good job of this, but I would like to eat completely veggie at least 2 days a week.

3. Hug more! I am not a touchy-feely person, but I'd like to be, so I resolve to hug more people and do so more often! Spread the love :)

4.  I resolve to stretch more often and condition with more vigor! The two go hand-in-hand. If I condition more vigorously, then I need to stretch more often, right?! So, here's to a year of skin-the-cat, windshield wipers, leg lifts, pull-ups and happy, flexy muscles!

There's more - business ideas, relationship plans, spending time with friends, finding a better work-life balance. I know there's more, but I don't want to over-extend myself! So, I'll leave it at that for now.

Happy New Year everyone. I wish you all of the love, happiness, hope and glitter that a new year offers. Let's not waste it. Let's be awesome!

Cheers, Jackie

If You're Going to Go Out, You Might As Well Go Out With a BANG!

Take your seats. The show is about to begin! Les Coquettes go out with a BANG!

When La Minouche spoke to the audience at last night's farewell Les Coquettes Cabaret Burlesque show, BANG!, and asked us if the show had ever lifted us out of a dark place or time in our lives, I clapped and shed a tear. I'm sure many other audience members did too. I am sure we have all had our different hardships. I am sure we have all had different experiences at a Les Coquettes show that have helped us too.

Maybe Charity Dawn and the Mohel made us laugh with the number Let's Duet. Maybe Dew Lily thrilled us and made our naughty bits tingle with his Junkie Nurse act. Maybe we watched in awe as Charlotte Webber or Suki Tsumani dazzled us with their aerial strength and beauty. Or, it could have been those stellar pipes of Dante Inferno belting out Lorde's Royals that brought a smile to our faces. It could have been one of these acts, or it could have been any number of their other amazing pieces!

I have so many amazing memories of Les Coquettes, as a fan, a friend and a volunteer. Five years ago, I went to my first Les Coquettes show. It was one of their (in)famous Halloween shows. I had never experienced burlesque before and to be honest, I've never experienced any other burlesque troupe since. I haven't felt the need to shop around looking for better entertainment in the scene. I don't think there is any other better entertainment out there!

Shortly after seeing my first show, I started to volunteer as an usher at their performances. I haven't missed one since. At first, I was very intimidated by the women and men of Les Coquettes. I saw them as the stars of the show and I saw myself as someone less. I would sneak into their dressing room and drop off my bags and change my clothes and head up the stairs to start my usher duties. I would say "hi" to one or two people, but I didn't want to get in the way. What a fool I was!

Soon enough, each member of the troupe made me feel welcome. These people are not only beautiful on the outside, they are beautiful on the inside. There was never a shortage of kind and encouraging words in the dressing room. When I saw how they treated each other - like a family - I felt more comfortable too. Soon my sheepish "hi" and "bye" became longer conversations and shared laughs. Soon, my blushing at a compliment became a returned compliment or a playful slap on the bum.

The funny thing is, as my comfort grew, my attire shrunk! Les Coquettes inspired me. There is no one type of beauty in that dressing room. All the women and men are sexy as hell, but they certainly are not all the same shape or size. They are sexy as hell because they are confident. They carry themselves with confidence. That is beautiful. That helped me to become more confident and not be ashamed of how I look, or self-conscious, or feel the need to cover up because of anyone other person's expectations of me.

But, returning to last night's show. One of the special things about Les Coquettes in the integration of aerial into their show. Of course, this is one of my favourite aspects! My very preggo silks instructor and friend, Charlotte Webber, AKA Natalie Fullerton, choreographed a beautiful, complex and compelling routine for her very best friend and "hetero lifemate" Suki Tsunami, AKA Lara Ebata, and damn! It was out-of-this-world! But, it made me cry. Not ball or weep, but shed a few tears.

If you weren't there, it will be hard to articulate the powerful message this performance made. To me, it truly was all about how we need to look for the light in the darkness. It was about how it is OK to reach out to those you love when you need help to get through a difficult time. It was about friendship. And, it was about loving each other. It was special. I am going to cry again while I write this. Damn it!

I need to thank my friends in Les Coquettes. Some of you I know very well. You have been a shoulder for me to lean on. You have been an ear when I have needed it. You have kicked my butt and made me stronger both physically and emotionally. I spend more time with some of you than I do with my own family, or friends that I have known for decades. I know last night wasn't goodbye. You're stuck with me!

Some of you I only see at shows, but you are amazing. La Minouche's/Catherine's blog, Playboy Mommy, is an inspiration. Her open and honest dialogue about all things is refreshing and I hope I can emulate some of that here. I want to learn the art of burlesque and dancing in high heels from Dew. I am going to work out with the Carpenter. And, if I can make other connections with other members, that would be amazing too!

What I am saying, is that I am grateful I had the opportunity to meet these wonderful individuals and that I could be a small part of their Les Coquettes family. If any of you are reading this, you are all very special and you'll be missed by many! Thank you bringing some light into my life. Thank you for allowing me to open up and be more confident and sexy. Thank you for being my friends! I will save images of all of you in my memory and when I need a little pick-me-up, I'll picture you shaking your glittery tatas or thrusting your scantily-clad pelvises in my direction!

When will I get to wear my false eyelashes, fascinator and leather bustier again?!

 XO, Jackie

P.S. Thank you to everyone who spoke to me or left me some kind words last week. I am still struggling with many unresolved issues, but knowing that I have a strong network of support means the world to me! Thank you for caring!

Contemporary Circus Arts Festival of Toronto: Day One Social Circus Discussion Panel

A couple of years ago, I started thinking about the future of my career. As a teacher, I was already burnt out after 5 years on the job. I still am. I don't enjoy going to work. Most days, I literally dread the idea of getting in the car and making that 40-minute commute north of the city. On really bad days, I get serious anxiety. I have even cried in the car in the parking lot before going into the building.

You might ask your, what's so bad about it? You get a sweet pay cheque and a pension when you're done. You have summers off. Your days start at 9:00 a.m. and end at 3:30 p.m. (in my dreams), so things are pretty darn good. From the outside, those are all great! I don't deny the fact that summers off are amazing. I am not one of those people that complain about pay. I am certainly not at the top of the pay grid, but I am comfortable. But, when you work with people, and children in particular, you run into all kinds of obstacles and red tape that have nothing to do with that cool stuff I just mentioned. And, those obstacles and red tape make my job so shitty.


Does that mean I don't want to teach any longer? Not necessarily. I just need to find my niche. I need to make the best of my situation. So, going back to a couple of years ago again, I started thinking about how I could mix my love of circus with my day job. I had a very lofty dream of starting some sort of private arts school that would focus on core curriculum for half the day and then arts and physical education, including circus arts, for the other half of the day. I have the teaching know-how. I have some foundation in circus arts and many friends who have arts-based backgrounds. I am not a businessperson though and to start a private school, I would need to have a business plan and a substantial amount of start-up money. It seemed more than a bit daunting and I lost hope that I could ever pull something like this off.

Over time, my mind drifted back in that direction though. How can I make this work on a smaller scale? How can I combine my love of aerial arts and my background in teaching? Then, I started hearing about "social circus." Well, I didn't actually hear it being called that. What I did hear about was a woman in the Toronto-area that runs a programme called Talk to Youth Lately.

Angola Murdoch, founder and artistic director of Lookup Theatre, came into one of my silks classes to sub for my instructor, Natalie. In conversation, she brought up this programme and the amazing work that she is doing with youth aged 16 to 30 who suffer from mental health issues. I was instantly interested and wanted to speak with her more about this amazing work. She is based out of Owen Sound though in the summer months, my time off, so I didn't really have a chance to touch base with her and learn more.

I do want to learn more about these programmes though. And, there are many of them around Canada and around the world. I had to opportunity to begin my learning journey on Wednesday, September 24, 2014 at a Social Circus Discussion Panel held by the organizers of the Contemporary Circus Arts Festival of Toronto. I can't wait to share more with you about this panel and all of the amazing things that they are doing. It really got my brain juices flowing!

Rebecca Leonard moderated the panel discussion. I have heard about this woman so frequently in the community, but I've never met her until now and I certainly didn't realize the extent of her work in social circus! The rest of the biographies I am going to borrow from the event details provided to me through CCAFT. "Social Circus arts have come alive in diverse communities for the past 19 years. CCAFT provides a rare opportunity to meet with some of the prominent groups who are doing groundbreaking work in social circus in Canada. We are delighted to have a full spectrum of  social circus models & practitioners on the panel including Anik Couture/Cirque du Monde-Cirque du Soleil’s Global Citizenship, Helen Donnelly/Sr. Therapeutic Clown practioner, Marsha Kennington, Social Circus instructor, Angola Murdoch/Talk to Youth Lately T.T.Y.L., and Neal Rempel/Circus, Art & Magic Partnership C.A.M.P. "

They said so many things that struck a chord with me. They are working with people in South Africa, Columbia, Mexico and right here in Canada. Their programmes provide those in need with an outlet to express and explore their issues through physical activity - the circus arts - and discussion with social workers and counselors. They provide instruction, equipment and sometimes just time off the streets. They work with the poor and needy, addicts, runaways and marginalized communities in places most of us would shy away from. Their successes are amazing. Their challenges many. But, they don't give up on these people. They work with them and try to create sustainable growth in communities and people long after they are gone. So inspiring!

When they opened the discussion up to the audience, I was so nervous to speak. I literally felt the heat rise in my cheeks. I blushed because I was so impressed by the people I was surrounded by! I had to ask them, "Where do you start?" It's a question that I've been struggling with. But, I got an answer. I hope that one day, sooner rather than later, I can connect with the National Circus School in Montreal and take their programme that instructs individuals in leading a circus programme in the  context of social education. I was provided the information and contacts, now all I have to do is take that step. Additionally, I plan on connecting with Angola and volunteering with her TTYL programme and see what it's all about and learn from her and the people she works with. 

The seed has been planted. Now, I need to nurture that seed. I need to move forward and learn and grow. Isn't that what it's all about? I've felt like my energy and creativity and drive has been stifled by the job I am in, but I am not a quitter. I am an adapter. I will adapt and make my situation better and in the process, hopefully make other people's situations a bit better too. My journey may not take me the same direction as the speakers I heard from yesterday. I see myself working with younger audiences. I see helping them to build strong physical and emotional foundations in themselves so that they may not have to face the challenges of the teens and young adults that others are working with now and, if they do face them, they are better equipped to deal with them. If you're a teacher, a performer, a social worker, or just a like-minded person, let's get together and talk and learn and grow something amazing together!

 

Cheers, Jackie

Fashion Friday is Now Style Sunday!

Fashion Friday is now Style Sunday. It doesn't sound as good, does it? This first week of school was hectic! I am trying to stay on my training schedule, so I went to silks class on Tuesday even though I felt like a zombie. It was the right thing to do though. Collective Space really is a happy place for me and the women there make me smile! After working out, I always feel better about the day too.

I got to spend even more time with my silks family on Wednesday as many of us headed down to the  Grand Chapiteau and enjoy the Cirque de Soleil show, Kurios: Cabinet of Curiosities. What a wild ride! I've been to many Cirque shows and this had to be one of my favourites. Everything was so whimsicical. They actually had a Tea Party on the Ceiling! Also, going to see professionals perform is such an amazing and inspirational experience! I am totally ready to jump into my training with two feet and challenge myself more and more in the coming weeks!

One of my favourite fashion friends was with us on Wednesday night. Lara has to be one of the most fashionable folks that I know. I love to see what she's up to and what she's wearing! She did not disappoint on Wednesday. Her orangey-red, super-wide legged pants were amazing! Paired with a great striped crop, she was on fire! Then, what did she do once the temperature dipped? She brought out a black fringed poncho that I had to touch! So soft. So swingy. So much fun! I was certainly jealous of her look that night and also took some inspiration from it!

Finding the balance between work-appropriate apparel and every day fashion has been tough for me over the years. I enjoy a daring look. I don't mind showing a bit of skin. Obviously this doesn't fly in front of my grade 4 class though. So, how does someone like myself balance work wear, casual wear and my budget?

My favourite store of the moment has to be Aritzia. I love their clothing. Everything is so chic. Their trend pieces are not over-the-top. The quality is fantastic. Putting together an outfit from Aritzia has never been an issue for me. Pricing can be a challenge though. Many of their pieces cost over $100 and I can't always afford this price point. When I am feeling light in the wallet, I head to my favourite secondhand stores. I am not talking about the Salvation Army Thrift Store or Value Village. I am talking about great higher-end used clothing stores like The Kind Exchange and Common Sort.

If you haven't been to either of these stores, go now! Kind Exchange has many locations around Toronto. Selection varies from location to location. My suggestion is to travel to a location near a wealthy neighbourhood. I live near the Beach in Toronto, and there is never a shortage of my favourite brands there. Recently, I bought a beautiful Wilfred dress at The Kind Exchange in the Beach that retailed for $165 at Aritizia for only $30! Not too shabby.

Common Sort, located in Parkdale and Riverdale here in Toronto, tends to carry more higher end, curated items. Their selection process is very picky. I went "back-to-school" shopping at Common Sort in August and spent close to $200 on a variety of items ranging from purses to pants. If I had been so inclined, I could have purchased a beautiful, no lustworthy, Rebecca Minkoff purse for a mere $170. The rich burgundy leather and gold chain shoulder strap almost lured me in, but I couldn't. I didn't. I did however score a black silk Wilfred hoodie. It's amazing. Now that the weather is cooling down in the evenings, I look forward to wearing it often!

I paired a few of these "new-to-me" items with some of my own to create fun, back-to-school outfits. Nothing too drastic. I have to introduce myself gently to this new community. Wear to do like to shop? What are your money-saving fashion tips? Don't keep fashion secrets! Share them with us. We need to know!

Finally, I will apologize for the selfies. I hate selfies. I hate that you can see my yucky kitchen in the background. I will work hard to not take anymore selfies! I promise that my fashion picks will be nicer in the future!

Cheers, Jackie

Friday's outfit. Wilfred T (purchased new, $40) and pants (purchased at Common Sort, $25).

Thursday's outfit. Wilfred top (purchased new, $50) and Citizen's of Humanity jeans (purchased new, $125)

Tuesday's Outfit. Gap tank (purchased new, $16) and Wilfred Skirt (purchased at Common Sort, $22)

 

Let Me Introduce Myself

I am going to begin by giving credit where credit is due. A Tea Party on the Ceiling would not be a Tea Party on the Ceiling if not for one of my beautiful and talented friends, Haley. While learning a new sequence in silks class one evening, she quipped that we all look like we're having a tea party on the ceiling. If you knew the sequence, you might agree! I liked how it sounded and it stuck with me, so here we are.

Next, I have to thank another one of my beautiful and talented friends, Jackie. We were discussing blogging one day in the car on the way to, or from silks class (not sure which) and I said blogging might be an interesting way to write again, but who cares what I have to say?! She said that I might be surprised. I hope I am because I'm putting it out there!

Hi! I am Jackie. I am a teacher by trade, an aerialist at heart, a fashionista when money allows and a metal fan for life! Of course, I am many, many more "things", but it's difficult to distill myself into one comprehensive list! I hope to use this forum for many purposes. I may share recipes. I may share lessons. I may share anecdotes. I may share successes. I may share frustrations. Regardless, I hope that I can find joy in writing about these events in my life and that I might share something that others can relate to, find meaning in or just enjoy!

I am sure with the new school year fast approaching that I will find many things to write about in the weeks to come. I am sure will you hear about the excitement and newness that September brings, along with some of my frustrations! Let's sit back though and just enjoy this, our first tea party on the ceiling!

Cheers! Jackie