New Year 2.016

At this same time last year, I sat down to reflect on another year passed and looked to set goals for a year yet to come. I felt the hopefulness of a new year, as I'm sure many of you did too. I resolved to meet 2015 with an open mind and an open heart. I resolved to work to make myself a better person and to help the world and people around me.

As it turns out, 2015 was a tumultuous year, not just for me, but for people around me and the world as a whole. When I say it was tumultuous, I don't mean to say it was all bad. Sometimes an upset in the status quo is a good thing. I can't help but think about the federal election held here in Canada. Talk about tumultuous! One day, Stephen Harper is running the country like some maniacal dictator and the next, he's giving up the leadership of the Progressive Conservative party that he burned to the ground. From those ashes arose a new, young and vibrant leader. Justin Trudeau's leadership is still in it's early days. He has much to contend with - a struggling economy, a world held hostage by madmen and terrorists, an environment that is screaming for rescue - but I have hope that fresh ideas and a modern approach to these issues can make an impact here and around the world. The coming year will certainly test the resolve of this new government, but at least the more progressively-minded folks of our nation will no longer have to hang our heads in shame when speaking of our country's leadership.

Voting is cool! We learned that this year. 

Mind and Body

Last year I set some goals for myself and, to be honest, didn't follow through on all of them. I am most disappointed that I didn't listen to my body enough and I am dealing with an injury yet again. I am starting off this year with some fitness goals in mind and I am not going to fall short this time. I am kick starting my year with a 7-day detox created by my good friend and holistic nutritionist, Jackie McCaffrey. This is not a starvation diet, or a juice cleanse. It is an all around reset for my mind and body. By cleansing my body of harmful toxins, and settling into some mindful habits, especially sleep habits, I am hoping to get rid of a few extra pounds from my body and a little extra weight off my shoulders. Her nighttime suggestions include getting a full 7-8 hours of sleep and turning off the electronics a full hour before bed. To help the mind relax she suggested unwinding with some meditative colouring and breathing. A full hour seems like a big commitment since I am planning on getting up at 5:00 a.m. most days to hit the gym before work. I'm going to try for a half hour!

There's that 5:00 a.m. wake up call thing. I have to make some changes in my workout routine or I am going to keep injuring myself. As I get older, these injuries are causing me more issues for a longer time. By taking a more holistic approach to fitness, I hope to nip this in the bud. So, early morning cardio and light weight-training are going to be my goal. It's going to be hard, but I can do hard! I'm also getting more into stretching and pilates and hopefully within six weeks of the new year, I want to be back in the air! I have a goal, I have to work to meet it. Good things aren't known to come easily!

Get Out of That Comfort Zone!

Aertime - June 6, 2015

Glaciology - October 3, 2015

I tried to put myself out there in 2015. It sometimes went really well. It sometimes didn't. The first half of the year was pretty quiet, but then things really got rolling in June. I performed in my first AerTime, which was a pretty big deal! Aertime is a showcase where professional circus performers present "works in progress" and then receive feedback from the audience. I had a blast, but was nervous as hell performing alongside some of my mentors! Then, I performed with my girl, Jackie McCaffrey in front of an audience for Lonny's Smile, a children's charity. What an honour! Finally, there was Glaciology. This was by far the most outside my comfort zone I've been while performing. In this contemporary dance piece, a large group of artists rolled over each other and through the streets of Toronto throughout the 12-hour long Nuit Blanche festival. I am not one for being touchy-feely, so this was challenging. I made it though and now I can hug just about anyone!

I didn't fare so well with my Chatelaine interview. I tried to be honest and put it on the line, but the editors didn't deem my input appropriate for their magazine. It was a disappointment and embarrassing at the time. It hasn't stopped me from participating in other interviews since then though. Recently, I interviewed with a woman who is making a documentary about Glaciology and I can't wait to see how that goes. You see, despite a few hiccups, I have found that hanging it all out has many benefits! I can't wait to see how I can show off what I've got this year!

I certainly have a tonne of other relationship and career goals. I want to teach more aerial and I am lining up some good opportunities to learn and then do so. I want to spend more time with friends that I haven't been spending enough time with lately. I want to find a way to work within my chosen profession in a more positive way. I don't need to love my job, but it needs to be tolerable and latter half of 2015 especially has not been tolerable. I may achieve more happiness in my day job through my therapy sessions, or I may achieve it by leaving one situation for another. The solution is yet to be seen. Some days I wish I had a crystal ball! Then again, where would the fun be in that?

A new year brings new opportunities and 2016 has all the promise of the newborn baby that it is! Let's do our best to raise 2016 to be a positive contributor to the world. Let's be good parents and make sure that 2016 is raised the right way! Is this the cheesiest metaphor you've heard this year? Or is it an analogy? I don't know, but it's full-on cheez and I love it!

Cheers, Jackie

"This is 40ish"... Right?!

About a month ago, I was invited to participate in an interview for Chatelaine magazine. This was an open call that I responded to from a Facebook post. The first 45 respondents were invited to the Chatelaine office to participate in a photoshoot and video interview.

The woman who responded to my email told me to come in an outfit that made me feel great and that they would provide interview questions on the day of the interview. I chose a simple outfit ~ jeans and black tank and blazer. I put on some cute accessories and did my make-up just so, accentuating a bold, red lip. I had just had my hair done. I felt confident. I felt gorgeous. I felt excited to be a part of the process!

The photoshoot went really well. The photographer was upbeat. The setting was easy. I laughed and had a lot of fun! Admittedly, I was a bit nervous for the video interview. They would not tell us the questions that we were to be asked. It was to be candid. As the questions were posed to me, I felt that I answered honestly. I did my best to articulate myself and my feelings clearly, and although I wasn't exactly happy with some of my responses, they were honest.

I would like to take you through my responses to these questions, and add a bit more now that I've had time to reflect on them more thoroughly.

1. What makes you unique? 

This was a surprisingly difficult question to answer. I don't necessarily consider myself all that unique, but at the same time I feel that we are all unique! I said something about how I chose to spend my free time. I discussed my pursuit of circus and aerial work as the focus here. To my particular group of friends this isn't necessarily a unique hobby, but to many others it definitely would be different! To add to this response, I would like to also say that I take a youthful approach to everything I do! I am not ashamed to say that I love heavy metal music. I go to at least one concert a month. I embrace a youthful appearance in my clothing, hair and accessories. I don't believe that fashion has an age limit. When other adults are sitting having coffee after dinner and talking about their mortgages, I'm outside running and playing with the kids. I make believe and connect with them and that is why I'm the favourite aunt! I'm not ashamed to say that I'm a true kid at heart. That is a big part of what makes me unique!

2. Would you rather have the breasts of your 20s or the freedom of your 20s?

What a dumb question! I said the freedom and I stand by that statement. I am more than just my tits! When I was in my twenties, I traveled to Australia TWICE! In fact, I traveled whenever I wanted because I had no responsibilities to a job with a set vacation schedule. I had a fun job. I worked at a record store and even though I bitched about it, it really was pretty sweet! I went to a revitalized Woodstock. I wasn't afraid to get into a mosh pit. Now I'm worry about how I would explain a black eye! I went to the bar and got to work with or without a hangover. I didn't worry about marking those assignments or writing those report cards. My customers at HMV didn't make me cry because I knew their insults/craziness wouldn't cost me my career. I hadn't learned to live an extravagant lifestyle because I didn't have the money to do so. Now, I wonder how I would live making that kind of money. Life was just easier and simpler! Plus, my boobs still look pretty good!

3. Do you consider yourself a feminist?

My response was a strong YES! I'm not too proud of where it went from there though. I linked my feminism to my choices not to get married or have children, but guess what? Some of the strongest feminists I know are married women with children. I wish I had have said this: I surround myself with strong women. They remind me daily of what it means to be a feminist. We are fiercely independent and we speak our minds. No one is going to tell us how we should live our lives! If we choose to have children, that is our choice. If we choose not to, that is also our choice. A feminist supports the choices of all women no matter what that choice might be, or who it might offend. A feminist supports her sisters and does not put down another woman because her choices aren't theirs. Of course, feminism is much more than these few simple statements, but this is a good start!

I did state the fact that I support teaching the younger generation about feminism. I hear some very sad statements come from the young girls I teach ~ statements about how some celebrity deserved to be beaten by her boyfriend; jokes about rape; talk of dieting in girls as young as 9 years old; children of the same age who are dying their hair and getting fake nails. They call each other whores, bitches and sluts. They ask me what's wrong with my boyfriend or with me because we're not married. They think there's something wrong with us because we don't have kids and live in an apartment. I've had parents question my choices and ask me not to talk about them with their daughters. I would question a teacher who wouldn't address these issues by talking about feminism!

At the same time, the administrator that hired me told me that one reason she did so was because I provided a refreshing alternative to the stereotypical teacher. It was important to her that young girls see that you can be successful and independent and strong with or without a husband. I thank her for her open mindedness!

4. Where are you in your career?

If you follow my posts regularly, you know that I have issues with my career and I voiced some of them in my response. I focused on explaining my frustration with the lack of choice in my profession. Many teachers fight for years to become permanently employed. I was lucky and was hired very quickly out of school. Since then, not much has changed. My job has become stagnant. I am a teacher. I can teach different grades. I can teach different subjects. I can try to move to different schools, although this is very difficult to achieve. If it suited me, I could upgrade my education to become an administrator, or try to become a consultant at the board office. Unlike my friends who work in the corporate world, there is no ladder to climb. Most of my moves are lateral. For an ambitious person, this can be frustrating.

5. Do you think you look good naked? 

Again, my answer was a resounding YES! I look better now than I did in my younger years because I care about my body more now than I ever did. I am not a large person, but I am also not a stereotypically thin woman. I have meat on my bones. I have muscle that helps me haul my butt up those silks. I am proud of it. I've worked hard for it. I am the girl who is always walking around the house in some state of undress. Let them look, I say! I am not ashamed of my body. I accept it. I embrace it. It carries me through life. It is mine.

This is obviously not a natural way for a woman to feel though (*note my sarcasm*). Women are supposed to be ashamed of their bodies and according to the Chatelaine survey, most women are ashamed of their bodies. Even the most petite women interviewed said they felt this way. Unfortunately, this is the angle that Chatelaine chose to pursue. They chose not to break the stereotype.

The Aftermath

A few weeks after the interview took place, I was emailed by one of the editors with a link to the online version of the article and a beautiful picture provided to me by the photographer. I was excited and immediately posted the picture to Facebook pronouncing my participation and provided a link to the article. I noticed I wasn't featured in the interview portions very much, but I thought I might show up in the print version more prominently. To my embarrassment, I have been completely cut from the print version. I feel that the article does not feature a balanced look at the state of women at all. I suppose that I don't "fit" in with what Chatelaine's typical reader might identify with and that is why I am not in the article. I do feel that it was a missed opportunity for Chatelaine to update their very conservative image (e.g., a magazine all about how to be a good homemaker).

Photo Credit: Jeff Carlson Photography

Being the feminist that I am, I have written to the editor that contacted me voicing my upset with the article and the lack of balance in it. I did so unapologetically. Women spend too much of their energy apologizing for their feelings. I am uncertain of their response, but I feel justified in my statements. If you'd like to read the online article it can be found here.

If you have made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read through this long post. I had a good deal to say today and it's been a while since I have had a chance to write anything. It feels good. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! Next up, New Year's Resolutions... Where did the year go?!

Cheers, Jackie

What Was Old is New Again

I have to say that as much as I'm trying to keep my chin up and march along, it isn't easy and I struggle daily. That being said, this is not a new feeling. I was going through some old things and found some poems I wrote a long time ago. These poems are ringing true to me today. Is that sad? I don't know. I thought I'd share though...

I sit and think of what's to come

original script

The things I see make me want to run
The problems I face keep tumbling down
Under them I'm sure to drown

They march upon me like soldiers to war
Faceless things I fear more and more
No heart for what they're doing to me
All I want is to be set free

I'm empty now except for these thoughts
They're terrible things I cannot stop
I'm sure there's no help to break loose
I'm slowly suffocating in their noose

I wish to escape to my own safe place
Where finally they will end their chase
But this place I cannot find
So all these thoughts still torment my mind


I called this one "Tormentor" and it is ringing true now because I'm learning that I am own worst tormentor. My therapist used the analogy of the wicked stepmother and young girl that we all know of from Disney movies. I am my own wicked stepmother, constantly criticizing and judging my actions, tormenting myself. I'm never quite good enough. Even the fact that I am upset about these things bothers me because I know there is a world full of people that are dealing with incomparable hardships ~ war, poverty, sickness, pain, oppression and more ~ with a positive attitude.

I wrote "Tormentor" 1996. I was a baby, only 16 or 17 years old. I didn't care about the hardships others faced like I do now. Like many teenagers, I was self-centred and egotistical. I filled a whole book full of poems that display this attitude over and over again. My sad teenage soul had so much to say and it was all dark and dreary. However, one more line stood out to me in a poem I wrote, also in 1996, that I called "Friends":

I am just a stranger in a world full of friends. 
They know who I be, but do they know who I am? 

Considering the world of social media and accumulating as many online "friends" as you can, I feel like I was way ahead of my time with this line. Additionally, I know that many of us that struggle with anxiety, depression and other mental health issues are often really good at putting on a "happy" face. I've spoken to many people, those I know well and those who are more casual acquaintances, about my feelings and they often say that they never would have guessed I was struggling or felt the way I do. Of course they don't, because we are constantly being forced to embrace this idea of positive mindset, like the idea of thinking happy thoughts and reflecting on what is positive is enough to cure you of your depression. It's not. I've tried. At best, it masks what is truly in your heart.

                                          But if you sing along, 

                                          A little fucking louder
                                          To a happy song
                                          You'll be just fine...

                                          Bring Me the Horizon, "Happy Song"

I will continue to work on myself and work on maintaining my positivity. I need to do this because I have people in my life who care for me and for whom I care for as well. But, I don't want to hide who I am or silence how I am feeling. That's not fair to me or to the many others out there who may be feeling the same way. I will have a voice in this world, even if it is a sad voice sometimes.

Jackie

Highs and Lows of Learning

This past month has been a crazy blur of workshops, rehearsals, performance and of course work! There is so much to reflect on ~ both high points and low points in the process. The learning curve is steep when you are trying to challenge yourself to be a better you. There are stumbles along the way, but every mistake is an opportunity to learn and change and grow. I hope that is what I've been doing along the way.

Two weekends ago, I spent a Saturday and Sunday participating in workshops as part of the Contemporary Circus Arts Festival of Toronto (CCAFT). This year had a different feeling for me than last year. Unfortunately, I went into this weekend with a negative mindset and I really let it run the show. I went into the day with my injury on my mind and used it as a crutch. I told people about it and used it as an excuse as to why I might not be able to perform on par with other participants. I complained and I whined and after, I was embarrassed by my actions.

My fear of being judged and my fear of being a failure really set the tone for my participation, especially in the silks workshop I took. I wanted everyone to know that I was not an impostor and I should be there. I practically begged people to understand that I was just injured. In reality, the only people that needed to know were me and the instructor. Everyone else was focused on their own practice. They weren't pointing fingers at me and whispering to friends. These thoughts were all in my head. They were my problem. I am happy that I can reflect back and that I know that now. I wish I had have known it then. I could have gotten much more out of the day.

The following week began with rehearsals for the Nuit Blanche performance of Glaciology. I had signed up for this project knowing that it would be challenging for me. I have been working on my touch aversion for quite some time and while it is improving greatly and I do enjoy a hug from friends now, I still do not like to be touched by strangers. The idea of being a part of a 50-person human glacier rolling through the streets of Toronto really challenged this part of me. I REALLY wanted to be a part of Glaciology though because without challenge, there is no growth. I want to grow. I want to become a better me. So I rolled on.

Day one was emotional. I had a hard time getting into the mix and found myself on the periphery of the glacier most of the time. Even then, I had to remove myself from the group to collect myself. On more than one occasion I questioned whether or not I could be a part of this project. But, I didn't want this to be a repeat of CCAFT, so I continued with rehearsals and the final performance and I was so proud of myself. I spent the better part of 8 hours in that group. I was able to coil and connect with my fellow performers. I was able to take on their weight and allow myself to body surf the group too. I felt safe and secure and warm within the group, even though it was a damp and cold October evening and we were rolling on concrete and through puddles. The next day I was tired and I was sore, but I had accomplished something that I didn't think I would be able to do. I don't know how I could ever worry about touching a stranger again! Hugs for everyone!!

If I had remembered last year, I would have realized that post-performance lows are the norm. My most seasoned performer friends have told me that they still feel that low after a big performance. I should have expected this past week to be difficult. I didn't, but it was. The students in my class were difficult. My mood was low. There were racial discussions that went against my own personal beliefs. They bothered me and other students I teach. I told parents. They were unresponsive. I got lower. There was bullying. I tried to deal with it. The students' refusal to take responsibility for their actions and there outright lies were upsetting. More parental indifference.

What am I to do? I am feeling helpless. I am feeling useless. I want to help this group of students to grow and to learn. Some of them are going off to high school next year. They seem to fight me though. They seem to be happy to stare at their phones and resist my attempts to engage them in their education. In the end, I need to ensure that I continue to do my job to the best of my abilities and it's like the old saying goes: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." If I continue to  allow the actions of others, even the action of my students and their parents, chip away at my own well-being, I am the one who is going to suffer in the end. My goal for now is to work on ways to improve my own resilience so that I can deal with these frustrating work situations in a healthier way. My new outlook is to hope that I can plant a seed in even one student's head and one day that seed will grow into something beautiful.

This is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and despite the lows that I experience, I know that I have much to be grateful for in my life. I was reminded of this yesterday in an unexpected place, the Puralator Courier Pick Up Centre. There, I meet a lovely woman. She was joyous, for lack of a better word. During our discussion she told me about her son. He had Down Syndrome and had died 5 years ago while battling cancer. Despite her loss, she said she was grateful for the time she had with him and was content that he was at rest now and he didn't suffer any longer. If she can find gratitude in this situation, then I know that I can work through my own lows to become a stronger, better me. We ended our conversation in that Puralator Office with a hug.

("The Inbetween" by Beartooth. This song is a bit of how I feel ~ highs, lows and not getting lost in the inbetween.)

Happy Thanksgiving All,
Jackie

Back to School

The first day of school is over for another year. There was no need for me to toss and turn last night. There was no need to fret about the alarm going off this morning. There was no last-minute task that I had forgotten. I didn't even have to pick out an outfit because we all wore our staff shirts today. The day that I had eagerly anticipated and often dreaded came and went with very little fanfare.

This doesn't mean that there wasn't drama, but I am getting used to drama. Drama can be dealt with. Drama can be settled. I am thankful that the tussle that played out on the basketball court was just two boys posturing and a quick call home to parents dealt with it. I am thankful none of my students were stabbed and they all went home safely at the end of the day. Not everyone was so lucky today.

Am I overjoyed that some of my new students seem less than pleased with their placement? No, I am not. Do I understand that this is a normal reaction and change is difficult for some kids? Yes, I do. I know that coming back from a long vacation is mentally and emotionally exhausting. There are the kids you don't like. There are the kids that don't like you. There might be a bully. Math is hard. Art isn't your thing. The teacher hates you.

Even friends can be demanding if you haven't seen them in a while. Everyone is going to ask you how your summer went and sometimes summer didn't go so great. And, even if it did go fantastically, telling the same anecdotes over and over again can be a drag. I get it. I really do.

Tomorrow will get a little easier though. We'll all get to know each other a little better. The split won't seem so dire. Friends will still be there at recess and after school. The days will march on and before we know it, the calendar will change and it will be Thanksgiving, and then Christmas (Winter) Break, the New Year and so on. Time marches on and we might as well enjoy it and make the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in on this, the first day of school.

You might think I sound melancholy. You might ask yourself, is she happy? I am, but I am also exhausted and will be exhausted from now until next summer. It was hot today - sticky, cloudy, humid and HOT! Since the sun refused to come out and shine for us today (and I couldn't go to the beach), I brought a little of that warmth into the classroom myself.

Cheers to a new year,
Jackie

Birthday Gratitudes

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 36 years old. This is a time in a woman's life where she can get sad because she's getting wrinkles and pimples at the same time, or embrace how much smarter and better she becomes with age! I choose the later, even though I really do hate getting pimples and wrinkles at the same time!!

I was sitting at my computer and responding back to all of the great people that took a moment out of their day yesterday to write a post on my facebook page wishing me the best on my birthday. I think it's important to acknowledge that time they took to think about me. It's pretty awesome! As I was writing, I thought to myself that I have so much to be grateful for. I'm not one to get gushy, but I thought I'd put together a little something to show my gratitude for my wonderful life and the wonderful people in it! 

1. I am grateful for my home, good food to eat, clean water to drink, the clothes that I wear, warmth in the winter and air conditioning in the summer. Many people in the world do not enjoy these basic necessities that many of us take for granted.

2. I am grateful for my overall health. Yes, I have aches and pains. Yes, as I age it takes a bit longer to bounce back from injuries, but I have been lucky in life with my health. I've never had to battle a debilitating disease, or fight for my life in hospital. My body still allows me to walk around every day, and challenge myself physically.

3. I am grateful for my family. Sometimes they drive me nuts, but I am grateful every day that they are on this planet and I can call them up and hear their voices. I have had friends who have lost close family members this past year. I can't imagine what that must be like and I am happy that, for now, I have not had to learn that difficult life lesson.

4. I am grateful for my friends. I am not the type of person that has a million friends. I have a few awesome people in my life. They challenge me. They support me. They make me laugh. They make me think. They may live halfway across the world or just down the street. I may see them weekly, or it may be years between our visits, but I know we will pick up right where we left off.

5. I am grateful for my awesome partner in crime. He's been around for a long time ~ 14 years or so to be exact. We've survived a long distance relationship. We've supported each other through health problems. We cuddle on the couch every night. We always have something to talk about. We support each other. We spoil each other. It's not always a walk in the park and there are times that we really don't see eye-to-eye, but we know how to work through those problems and become a stronger couple.

6. I am grateful to have good, steady employment. At the best of times, my job is very fulfilling. I feel like I've made a difference. At the worst of times, it pays the bills and allows me to enjoy the things in life that I don't get paid for (e.g., aerial work!), that make my time on this planet better and rewarding. I don't have to worry about a layoff or downsizing. I have a creative job. It's never boring. It always keeps me on my toes.

7. I am grateful for writing. The fact that even a few people take time out of their day to read my ramblings is awesome. I love to write and even though I didn't become that famous rock journalist that I dreamed of being when I was a teenager, I appreciate having this medium to share my thoughts and ideas.

8. I am grateful to be Canadian. We can criticize our government for it's downfalls. I encourage that discourse. And, because we live here, we can do that with relative safety and security. Although I live in the largest city in the country, I don't walk down the streets at night fearful. There is no war waging outside of my window. My sister doesn't have to worry about her children being kidnapped and held for ransom. We should be proud to be Canadian. We are lucky to live here in this big,
beautiful country. We do need to fight to protect the values it stands for and the environment that we enjoy here. So, go out and vote in October!

I am sure that there is so much more that I am missing. This is only the tip of the iceberg. I know this because I am a very lucky person and my life is pretty freaking great! I have to remember this when I get angry and frustrated and my mind threatens to shut out all of this good stuff. I suppose now that it's published, I can come back and read it if that time does roll around.

Cheers, Jackie

Communication - Use It or Lose It

I am soooo far behind in my writing. Considering that I've been off of work for the past several weeks, I should have been able to complete writing about my vacation to NYC at the very least! I am going to skip all of that though because there has been something bothering me lately.

I've spent the better part of the last year challenging myself to take risks and try things that I normally wouldn't have tried in the past. This has turned out quite swimmingly in some instances, and quite the opposite in others.

One such risk that I took recently was to participate in a conference for my school board. I had applied to facilitate a four-day workshop for fellow educators. I really didn't think that I would be hired, but I was and so I set about working with a colleague who had facilitated in previous years to create my presentation. The idea behind the conference is that teachers experienced in a certain grade lead others who are new to teaching or new to teaching a certain grade through a collaborative planning process. Ideas are shared. Resources are created. It's a really great idea and beneficial for all parties if carried out effectively. 

As the conference approached, I put finishing touches on the presentation that I had put several hours of work into, revised and refined ideas where I could and read through it again and again so I would be prepared. I was happy with my work and I was ready!

Long story short, my workshop did not go over well with a contingent of participants. They had entered the conference believing that resources would be "given" to them. They were not happy with having to discuss, plan and create resources together. On the first day, one participant approached the organizers of the conference and complained about my approach. The organizers were supportive of me and she ended up leaving.

I began the next day with a frank discussion with the group. We are all colleagues, I said. As a professional courtesy, if you have an issue with anything that I am doing in this workshop, I would appreciate it very much if you would speak with me before approaching the organizers. I can't know that there is a problem if no one speaks to me. I also mentioned that I realize difficult conversations are, well, difficult, but this was my first year facilitating and I would appreciate any constructive criticism and I would not take it personally.

Guess what? Over the next days, 3 other people did the exact same damn thing as that first woman. Instead of speaking with me, they complained to the organizers. They complained that I wasn't "providing resources" and instead we were discussing "good teaching practices" and how we apply them to the grade and planning together. Imagine! Thankfully, the organizers still supported me, but I was/am pissed off that these people were still too cowardly to approach me directly.

I am not necessarily surprised though. I have noticed lately that discourse and debate are slowly being weeded out of certain areas of my life, and not in a good way. I recently had to remove facebook from my phone because I could not stomach much of what I read on the platform. People that I've know for ages and like are acting very childish when it comes to ideas that do not exactly line up with their own. When someone challenges their beliefs in any way they automatically unfriend them. They do not want people in their lives that do not hold their exact beliefs. Huh? Isn't the exchange of ideas and debate what makes life and friendships interesting? If you surround yourself with people that act and think exactly like you, wouldn't life be pretty boring?

I mentioned these issues to my sister yesterday as we celebrated my birthday. My sister is a very smart woman and tends not to react to issues the same way that I do, so I always appreciate her advice and thoughts. She said that people's ability to communicate with one another is something that is not being nurtured in the age of social media. People hide behind social media comments and emails because they are afraid of the consequences of voicing an opposing idea or confronting someone with a problem. She mentioned times that she has tried this and it has backfired because on the other end of the dialogue the person she is talking to does not know how to receive criticism without being hurt or angry. Then, the situation becomes worse, so why bother? It's easier to "unfriend" someone or just keep your opinions to yourself.

I think this is so sad. We need to be able to have difficult conversations. We need to know that our ideas are not everyone's ideas, and so long as those ideas don't hurt another person, or group it's OK to have and share them with others. We need to be able to debate with one another. I want to know an issue from a variety of perspectives so that I can evaluate the validity of those perspectives and adjust or amend my ideas accordingly. That's what we call critical thinking! Only looking at ideas from one point of view is very narrow-minded and I don't want to be a narrow-minded person!

At the same time, if I am talking shit I want someone to tell me! Call me out on my crap. If I don't completely grasp what you are trying to tell me, let me know. Do it constructively and provide feedback so I can change and grow. I will do the same thing for you! That's called growth mindset people and it's not a bad thing. I won't cut you out of my life because you don't think I am right all of the time. I'm not! You're not either.

Communication is so important in all of our relationships - friendships, partners, business. Use it or lose it. When it's gone, it might be harder than you think to get it back.

Cheers!
Jackie